I believe that this is the moment of my escape. After years of searching for the right path, for my destination, I finally realized all the signs on the road, tried to tell me. During those uncertain times, I thought I could never get sight of the right trail. I deemed it impossible for someone like myself - coward and weak - to dare get a grasp of peace and happiness, even lightly. But I stood, held my head upright, blinked my eyes a moment, but never regarded myself a bit of strength and will. The cowardice and weakness which molded my character, contoured my actions were the ones that unexpectedly nurtured an iota of strength and will submerged within the pit of my consciousness. Owing to the hurts and resentments I've exposed myself into in the past years of my life, these have hardened me, nullified the piercing pain of unmended wounds. Later, I was in apathy however, realizing such coldness in me, whereupon I entered a new place on earth filled with frivolity yet saturated with fervent love for life. My cynical view changed, my somber regard to living was soon tinted with frolic naivety. I then saw the light emanating from a direction I once forbore to look upon, yet I now firmly laid my eyes on. My escape to paradise will not remain in perpetuity, i reminded my self. But, I still believe in paradise. I know it's not some place you can look for. It's how you feel for a moment in your life. It is this moment. Not yesterday nor tomorrow, but at this very moment.
Sunday, December 28, 2008
Sunday, December 21, 2008
HavOc wiThiN
This is the worst topic I could ever write about at this point of my life..
It's like all the time, I get to like somebody..and for those moments, I thought I was in love, but the truth is, I wasn't.. and until such times that I could finally bear in my mind that I am so different from the common people, the average girls of my age, and females alike..I don't think I'm ever capable of loving and to be loved. I don't think I'm ever capable of showing my real feelings to somebody, and worst, I don't think I'm ever capable to be normal..
I've been alive in this universe for 18 calendar years already, but am I matured enough to handle this lack inside me? this yearning inside me?
Or am I matured enough to finally say now that I'm inlove with someone ?? I couldn't foresee when will I again tell myself that I am not and never have been in love..And I do hope that I might realize it someday.
I could never afford to lose again my sanity into something wonderful yet deceiving.. I will not let myself fall hopelessly into a hole of emptiness caused by lies and unrequited love..
This is not my fate..
and if ever I also deserve somebody to show to me a world totally different from the one I confined myself into, then, the heavens must be on my side! they must have felt humanly pity and mercy upon me..
I need more clarity, I need to see more thoroughly to my intentions,to have a better perception on things regarding this Havoc they call Love..
It's like all the time, I get to like somebody..and for those moments, I thought I was in love, but the truth is, I wasn't.. and until such times that I could finally bear in my mind that I am so different from the common people, the average girls of my age, and females alike..I don't think I'm ever capable of loving and to be loved. I don't think I'm ever capable of showing my real feelings to somebody, and worst, I don't think I'm ever capable to be normal..
I've been alive in this universe for 18 calendar years already, but am I matured enough to handle this lack inside me? this yearning inside me?
Or am I matured enough to finally say now that I'm inlove with someone ?? I couldn't foresee when will I again tell myself that I am not and never have been in love..And I do hope that I might realize it someday.
I could never afford to lose again my sanity into something wonderful yet deceiving.. I will not let myself fall hopelessly into a hole of emptiness caused by lies and unrequited love..
This is not my fate..
and if ever I also deserve somebody to show to me a world totally different from the one I confined myself into, then, the heavens must be on my side! they must have felt humanly pity and mercy upon me..
I need more clarity, I need to see more thoroughly to my intentions,to have a better perception on things regarding this Havoc they call Love..
Friday, November 21, 2008
Frozen In Bliss
Towering buildings..
Huge flying creatures..
Extraordinary species..
Singing flowers..
Dancing trees..
Icy black mountains..
Floating houses..
Hanging gardens..
Crystal staircases..
Magical warriors..
Faeries..
They all sang in merriment in a far away place,
I could hear them, playing in my ears.
They whisper melody unknown to me.
Over my shoulders, I see a stout man.
Over my head, I felt a warm flush of wind just blew.
On the ground where I stand, I felt a quake as if a volcano erupted.
Below the ground, it shakes like a gigantic eel was digging.
Infront, I see a hazy mist of blue.
Infront, I watched the green tinge of smoke swirling with the bluish mist.
Infront, shadows of existence coming towards me.
Somewhere, footsteps droning.
Anywhere, I stand stoned on the grassy land.
Everywhere, dreamy as it could be, twisting reality.
Stay where you are, come if you may.
In a hollowed spot I crouch, in a serene place of demise.
He who told me a way to reality,
How comforting a sea of fantasy, a vast ocean of light and darkness,mixing the other, creating a blanket of joy.
Light and Darkness, dear friends of the past.
Light and Darkness, my companion in a land where mangroves grow in abundance in the snowy alps of Tree Hills.
Thundering amidst the sunshine, lit all my worries in flame of wisdom.
Scourging fire from the crust of Moon Light, from the core of Moon Might.
Deep setting eyes of the mountain flyer.
Deep in his lair, the valley of power.
A bard in his own respect, an owl by his side.
Sing your tune, a lovely hour of fleeting pasture,
Gone is the serenade of long lost passion.
Leap into the dungeon of the make-believe King,
May his memories reign in his terror of kingdom.
Done is his time, when dragons honor him.
Done were the years of apocalyptic judgement.
He who fears the Great Lord of Tundr,
The one who fought all tyrant.
Noble is he, but fearsome his plea,
The Lord who's named The Great Warrior from Tundr.
He is the King, the Great Lord of Tundr.
But only and no one is as noble as he.
I know him, from the smell of his boots to the slits of his eyes.
I know his name, from the color of his hair to the firmness of his arms.
I know who he is, from the stride he makes to the melody of his voice.
Dreams, I dream,Of a wonderful place, faraway from misery.
Dreams, I dream,Of a plenty of juices and fruits of life.
Dreams, I dream,Of a lost land of magic and power and might.
Dreams, I dream,Of a world of strife, but a universe of light.
Wonder, I wonder, Fantasy is real.
Wonder, I wonder, Life is real
So is Reality a Life of Fantasy-surreal.
Wednesday, November 19, 2008
bE fAir wiTh mE
The Right to Live.
The Right to Freedom.
What are these and the other natural laws for? It is for humanity, for everybody, for us to live a happy and peaceful life. Isn't it a stand for everyone of us to always be equal to one another? In the eyes of God, we are all equal as what religion has told us. In the hands of the Government, they say we have equal rights as stated in the Constitution and by-laws.
I have noticed the strangeness, the peculiarity of the word "equality" in all it's sense as how it is viewed by society nowadays.It is already strange for me, an alienated concept from a long lost world of morality. A peculiar thing that everyone wishes to have, when the nature of it now is twisted and questionable. In the fangs of evilness, was Fred ever saved from such fate? he never done wrong to his religion, to the government, but why is life and freedom deprived from him? From his wife? From his son? The equality religion and government promised them, was it all in vain? He doesn't have the right to be discriminated, to be considered as a dirty pig in the society, to be stepped on, to be crushed by the cruelty of his own kin. Life is miserable and hateful. Peace and freedom, but it just slips away like sands on clenched fists. Fred and his race wanted to escape from such brutal fate handed to them by the wretched demons, and they strive so hard to finally live in a serene field of flowers blooming and the wind blowing comfort to their napes.
Consequences, rewards, trades or payments, are these of taking something in giving up another? It is said that God empties your hands in order for you to receive a much bigger blessing, thus, it is inevitable in losing. If Fred was disagreeable to the harsh reality of his wife and sons death, what is there left for him to agree to? Pretending no reality like such would be real, pretending it was just a game. But, it was a game of life and death.
And then, God empties his hand. And what was taken from him was life. His family's life, his life.In the irony of it all, he proved that though destiny have given him enough pain, suffering and hardships, he pretended that all was OK, all will be alright in time, lied the ironic situation to the child that life is beautiful. But, it is for the pure heart to see, that indeed, life is extraordinarily beautiful.
(This was an essay I made few months ago. I've changed the identity of the characters, but they resemble some characters of the movie, "Life Is Beautiful".)
The Right to Freedom.
What are these and the other natural laws for? It is for humanity, for everybody, for us to live a happy and peaceful life. Isn't it a stand for everyone of us to always be equal to one another? In the eyes of God, we are all equal as what religion has told us. In the hands of the Government, they say we have equal rights as stated in the Constitution and by-laws.
I have noticed the strangeness, the peculiarity of the word "equality" in all it's sense as how it is viewed by society nowadays.It is already strange for me, an alienated concept from a long lost world of morality. A peculiar thing that everyone wishes to have, when the nature of it now is twisted and questionable. In the fangs of evilness, was Fred ever saved from such fate? he never done wrong to his religion, to the government, but why is life and freedom deprived from him? From his wife? From his son? The equality religion and government promised them, was it all in vain? He doesn't have the right to be discriminated, to be considered as a dirty pig in the society, to be stepped on, to be crushed by the cruelty of his own kin. Life is miserable and hateful. Peace and freedom, but it just slips away like sands on clenched fists. Fred and his race wanted to escape from such brutal fate handed to them by the wretched demons, and they strive so hard to finally live in a serene field of flowers blooming and the wind blowing comfort to their napes.
Consequences, rewards, trades or payments, are these of taking something in giving up another? It is said that God empties your hands in order for you to receive a much bigger blessing, thus, it is inevitable in losing. If Fred was disagreeable to the harsh reality of his wife and sons death, what is there left for him to agree to? Pretending no reality like such would be real, pretending it was just a game. But, it was a game of life and death.
And then, God empties his hand. And what was taken from him was life. His family's life, his life.In the irony of it all, he proved that though destiny have given him enough pain, suffering and hardships, he pretended that all was OK, all will be alright in time, lied the ironic situation to the child that life is beautiful. But, it is for the pure heart to see, that indeed, life is extraordinarily beautiful.
(This was an essay I made few months ago. I've changed the identity of the characters, but they resemble some characters of the movie, "Life Is Beautiful".)
Sunday, November 16, 2008
SEALED
I found this letter stamped SEALED last month...
October 13, 2008
Dear God,
I am known by the name of Sunny, and that is all I can tell you of my identity because whoever I may be, I do not know. I am Anonymity, I have no definite and real name, I am unrecognized by everybody in my world. All-knowing and powerful God, wherever you are, will you ever guide me in life? If I end my life, will it be sinful to you? If I endure and suffer insanity, will not it be painful for you? Oh God, I have no way out. either of the way, I end up a loser, I end up looking miserable. It would have been fairly enough if I could have had known who I really am and was. It should've been better that I somehow knew where I came from and whom I came from; or I woudn't be suffering like this. If the generation before me might've sinned greatly to you, is it justifiable that I be the one to catch their punishment? I don't think it fair to carry the burden not due to you. I want and always wanted to be happy. God, If you were on my shoes right at this moment, what would you do? You're fortunate that you are unfeeling, you're indiferent to pain unlike me. You enjoy seeing me hurt and suffering, you just on your throne watching me as if I'm a spectacular death show. How about you take my place, suffer like me, cry like me, hurt ike me? If you love me, why allow me to experience these pain and torture? I f you love me, you could have helped me cope and fight. If you loved me, why am I alone and unloved in this place? If you ever loved me, don't leave me. Make me feel loved. What is my worth? Show to me sooner how worthy l am. Please, never let me take on either path I have mentioned, show to me a new path that will lead me to your love and to the happiness I yearn, so I may have a real name.
Yours Truly,
Anonymity
After reading the letter, I somehow liked the word Anonymity, there's a significance of the word somewhere in my life...Thus, that's how I thought of Anonymity..
October 13, 2008
Dear God,
I am known by the name of Sunny, and that is all I can tell you of my identity because whoever I may be, I do not know. I am Anonymity, I have no definite and real name, I am unrecognized by everybody in my world. All-knowing and powerful God, wherever you are, will you ever guide me in life? If I end my life, will it be sinful to you? If I endure and suffer insanity, will not it be painful for you? Oh God, I have no way out. either of the way, I end up a loser, I end up looking miserable. It would have been fairly enough if I could have had known who I really am and was. It should've been better that I somehow knew where I came from and whom I came from; or I woudn't be suffering like this. If the generation before me might've sinned greatly to you, is it justifiable that I be the one to catch their punishment? I don't think it fair to carry the burden not due to you. I want and always wanted to be happy. God, If you were on my shoes right at this moment, what would you do? You're fortunate that you are unfeeling, you're indiferent to pain unlike me. You enjoy seeing me hurt and suffering, you just on your throne watching me as if I'm a spectacular death show. How about you take my place, suffer like me, cry like me, hurt ike me? If you love me, why allow me to experience these pain and torture? I f you love me, you could have helped me cope and fight. If you loved me, why am I alone and unloved in this place? If you ever loved me, don't leave me. Make me feel loved. What is my worth? Show to me sooner how worthy l am. Please, never let me take on either path I have mentioned, show to me a new path that will lead me to your love and to the happiness I yearn, so I may have a real name.
Yours Truly,
Anonymity
After reading the letter, I somehow liked the word Anonymity, there's a significance of the word somewhere in my life...Thus, that's how I thought of Anonymity..
Life Notes IV
I continuously walk,
though my feet are sore;
my throat is dry,
And I am tired...
Wherever the path may lead,
I still go on...
It's an endless trail where I have no choice
but, to follow through...
But, I have the choice to how
I make every step...
It's a tiring journey;
But I have hope;
And I yearn for happiness,
for life...
God lead me...
Saturday, August 9, 2008
...beLieving aNd I am haPpy...
...so herE..i want to cLear the meaning of acCeptance...and faith....
..but, this is in accordance to my own ideas and thoughts....wether you, the one reading this now...accept my view 'bout things or not...fu ques tet ahL.....
...this about my beLief in Life..my view about everyone and everything....
..I know I have a Lot of probLems, a Lot of dreams, a Lot of tragic misfortunes during my Lifetime...but, Let me teLL you, none of these ever stopped me from doing what my heart, no, my souL wants me to do. yes, i aLso stress 'bout things..but I was never the one to give up...once, I gave in to the pain..stiLL, I stood up...healed the wounds..finaLLy ceased the pain...
..i woudn't stiLL be aLive if I never seek guidance and heLp...from friends, Loved ones, and even from a voice deep within my unconciousness...and who's that?
..no One knows..some say t'was God...some say t'was my inner seLf...
...I do beLieve there is God...somewhere..i know a great wise One exist...why wouLd you think reaLity exist? and how? ofcourse someone must have made it..a creator...I respect other beLiefs about divine origins...but I can't heLp wondering how the beLiefs were formed..how they, the peopLe couLd accept it's formaL teachings....
'..being someone who is so inquisitive gives me a Lot of troubLes! ..even some of my friends compLain. But it's just my way to find enLightenment...
..i've read a magazine..and there was a quote there..."I've stopped praying and beLieving for a whiLe now and I am happy. I reaLized I don't Like beLieving and worshipping something that don't really even exist.." -to paraphrase it....and she was 15 years oLd...I am not aLone with this beLief...
..I am open to other reLigions and their teaching....then, I try to compare my beLiefs with theirs...I Listen to them as they teLL me stories of their own Gods and their own understanding of faith and existence...
'I accept the truth that a God exists...reaLity or fiction...there is God'
..I have a God...someone who is guiding me..someone who created me...who, I know Loves me because He opened me to this wonderfuL worLd! I know he Loves me becaUse as a human...I stiLL have Love within me...and i am happy....
..but, this is in accordance to my own ideas and thoughts....wether you, the one reading this now...accept my view 'bout things or not...fu ques tet ahL.....
...this about my beLief in Life..my view about everyone and everything....
..I know I have a Lot of probLems, a Lot of dreams, a Lot of tragic misfortunes during my Lifetime...but, Let me teLL you, none of these ever stopped me from doing what my heart, no, my souL wants me to do. yes, i aLso stress 'bout things..but I was never the one to give up...once, I gave in to the pain..stiLL, I stood up...healed the wounds..finaLLy ceased the pain...
..i woudn't stiLL be aLive if I never seek guidance and heLp...from friends, Loved ones, and even from a voice deep within my unconciousness...and who's that?
..no One knows..some say t'was God...some say t'was my inner seLf...
...I do beLieve there is God...somewhere..i know a great wise One exist...why wouLd you think reaLity exist? and how? ofcourse someone must have made it..a creator...I respect other beLiefs about divine origins...but I can't heLp wondering how the beLiefs were formed..how they, the peopLe couLd accept it's formaL teachings....
'..being someone who is so inquisitive gives me a Lot of troubLes! ..even some of my friends compLain. But it's just my way to find enLightenment...
..i've read a magazine..and there was a quote there..."I've stopped praying and beLieving for a whiLe now and I am happy. I reaLized I don't Like beLieving and worshipping something that don't really even exist.." -to paraphrase it....and she was 15 years oLd...I am not aLone with this beLief...
..I am open to other reLigions and their teaching....then, I try to compare my beLiefs with theirs...I Listen to them as they teLL me stories of their own Gods and their own understanding of faith and existence...
'I accept the truth that a God exists...reaLity or fiction...there is God'
..I have a God...someone who is guiding me..someone who created me...who, I know Loves me because He opened me to this wonderfuL worLd! I know he Loves me becaUse as a human...I stiLL have Love within me...and i am happy....
kUng waLa ka kuwenta...DONT READ THIS!
...para Lang 'to sa mga may kuwenta!!!
...kita nio yang Lantern??
.............ano ma'feeL nio sa picture???
...ganda noh?
....kung gusto niO ang picture...may kuwenta ka nga!!
....heheheh....
....kung may kuwenta kah...marunong kang mag'appreciate sa kahit na maLiLiit na bagay sa mundo....may it be a bug or even a Leaf faLLen from an oLd tree...waLang bagay sa mundo ang waLang kuwenta...so, sorry sa mga hindi nagkaroon ng tapang na basahin ang post ko nah ito...gusto ko Lang ipaabot sa ibang mga niLaLang out there nah masaya ang buhay! haay....tsaka sa mga nang'aapi ng iba...may it be mga 'sapat' or i mean mga hayop...o mga tao...sa mga paLaging gaLit at mapanakit at mapanira....appreciate things pLease??? pahaLagahan niO ang mga bagay-bagay, ok? pahaLagahan anio rin saRiLi nio...Love yourseLf coz your beautifuL...kahit obvious naman ang ang physicaL beauty mo, hehehe....feeL beautifuL parin...
"you have worth if you know how to appreciate, even the smaLLest things..."
...kita nio yang Lantern??
.............ano ma'feeL nio sa picture???
...ganda noh?
....kung gusto niO ang picture...may kuwenta ka nga!!
....heheheh....
....kung may kuwenta kah...marunong kang mag'appreciate sa kahit na maLiLiit na bagay sa mundo....may it be a bug or even a Leaf faLLen from an oLd tree...waLang bagay sa mundo ang waLang kuwenta...so, sorry sa mga hindi nagkaroon ng tapang na basahin ang post ko nah ito...gusto ko Lang ipaabot sa ibang mga niLaLang out there nah masaya ang buhay! haay....tsaka sa mga nang'aapi ng iba...may it be mga 'sapat' or i mean mga hayop...o mga tao...sa mga paLaging gaLit at mapanakit at mapanira....appreciate things pLease??? pahaLagahan niO ang mga bagay-bagay, ok? pahaLagahan anio rin saRiLi nio...Love yourseLf coz your beautifuL...kahit obvious naman ang ang physicaL beauty mo, hehehe....feeL beautifuL parin...
"you have worth if you know how to appreciate, even the smaLLest things..."
...being Curios eh??
...i guEss, i have mah own understanding 'bout curiOsity...there's nothing wrong being curious, we have inteLlects...we're human...think we're aLready wise to know everything? NO...we are born curious 'bout the worLd...the universe is big and there are so many mysteries embracing us...and I want to see what Lies beyond this worLd...
..to mah point of view, men have the freedom of expressing their minds..their ideas and opinions 'bout things...it's good to just understand and respect the opinions of others...and if we don't understand, weLL...just respect it...there's no Loss in doing that, right? that's what I do...and if I don't understand their reasOns...I try to find ways to understand them...again, that's curiosity...I am aLso very curious and interested in human behavior, you see...the way peopLe thinks and acts...
...this is how I see things...stupid? beautifuL? I don't reaLLy care...am just me..being someone who's hard to understand is difficuLt....you think you're on your own in soLving things...and on mah positive excuse...defense mechanism...feeLs Like your damn unique and wonderfuL...peaCe..
..to mah point of view, men have the freedom of expressing their minds..their ideas and opinions 'bout things...it's good to just understand and respect the opinions of others...and if we don't understand, weLL...just respect it...there's no Loss in doing that, right? that's what I do...and if I don't understand their reasOns...I try to find ways to understand them...again, that's curiosity...I am aLso very curious and interested in human behavior, you see...the way peopLe thinks and acts...
...this is how I see things...stupid? beautifuL? I don't reaLLy care...am just me..being someone who's hard to understand is difficuLt....you think you're on your own in soLving things...and on mah positive excuse...defense mechanism...feeLs Like your damn unique and wonderfuL...peaCe..
Diarios de MotocicLes
Ernesto Guevara de la Serna...
it was wednesday night, January 3rd of the year 2007...it was Late, and mah eyes were stiLL gLued to the TV when a new movie was starting...
...from it's beginning, I know it was a documentary...but I never knew it was going to change the direction of mah Life...
...the movie was titLed.."Diarios de MotocicLes"...or 'The MotorcycLe Diaries'...it foLLowed the Life of the 23 year oLd physician, Ernesto..his friend ALberto, a biochemist and their oLd-fashioned motorcycLe named 'The Mighty One'...they were on a journey through the great Lands of Latin America..traveLing from hometown argentina to VenezueLa...their destination...during their voyage, it was then, Ernesto reaLized the injustices happening in the Latinos...the urge to heLp the peopLe from injustice and sickness triggered that made him to become Ernesto 'Che' Guevara Serna...an important cuban revoLutionary and with the Latin bLoods...it was then at the end of the movie where I reaLized it was him..the Che Guevara peopLe aLways taLk about...'che was an expression of argentinians...most peopLe from other country wouLd guess a person is an argentinian because they were fond of saying 'che'...now, I know things about him, and what I kLearned is aLready enough to put him in the List of mah heroes and inspiration...the peopLe who motivated and inspied me to go on Living and dream..and do what I think I shouLd do...
...Ta,
ze Goddess
it was wednesday night, January 3rd of the year 2007...it was Late, and mah eyes were stiLL gLued to the TV when a new movie was starting...
...from it's beginning, I know it was a documentary...but I never knew it was going to change the direction of mah Life...
...the movie was titLed.."Diarios de MotocicLes"...or 'The MotorcycLe Diaries'...it foLLowed the Life of the 23 year oLd physician, Ernesto..his friend ALberto, a biochemist and their oLd-fashioned motorcycLe named 'The Mighty One'...they were on a journey through the great Lands of Latin America..traveLing from hometown argentina to VenezueLa...their destination...during their voyage, it was then, Ernesto reaLized the injustices happening in the Latinos...the urge to heLp the peopLe from injustice and sickness triggered that made him to become Ernesto 'Che' Guevara Serna...an important cuban revoLutionary and with the Latin bLoods...it was then at the end of the movie where I reaLized it was him..the Che Guevara peopLe aLways taLk about...'che was an expression of argentinians...most peopLe from other country wouLd guess a person is an argentinian because they were fond of saying 'che'...now, I know things about him, and what I kLearned is aLready enough to put him in the List of mah heroes and inspiration...the peopLe who motivated and inspied me to go on Living and dream..and do what I think I shouLd do...
...Ta,
ze Goddess
I don't Like the gUy they caLL Jesus Christ
...I don't Like him...that's why I want to change mAh reLigion...to what??
am not reaLLy an anti-christ...it's not as if I truLy despise him...ALL maH Life, I have Learned most about him...I do'n Like the christian church...I don't Like the way they teaCh 'bout Life and God...I don't totaLLy Like the bibLe...but, honestLy, the story and writings in it's nice...wonderfuL...I beLieve in God but I do'n Like beLieving in the christian God...
...there is this curiosity in me that teLLs mah souL to find that beLief that i wouLd reaLLy beLieve in...what??? ...am in a state of great confusion...where am Looking for those things which i'vE been wondering aLL this Lifetime ever since I opened mah eyes to the woRLd...
...whatever you peopLe wiLL say...wether what I beLieve and say is right Or wrOng...aLL I knOw is that...
...this is me...this is mah Life...this is everything I have...
...I know am stiLL growing up...i know there's stiLL a big worLd out there for me to see...i know there's stiLL too many things I have to Learn...peopLe to meet...things to finish...events to experience...
....and right at the pinnacLe...
...is the trUth am searching for...
..that wiLL enLighten me...
..frEe me..
..and right at that moment...I know I am fuLfiLLed...
..then, 'God' is with me...
Ta,
Ze Goddess
am not reaLLy an anti-christ...it's not as if I truLy despise him...ALL maH Life, I have Learned most about him...I do'n Like the christian church...I don't Like the way they teaCh 'bout Life and God...I don't totaLLy Like the bibLe...but, honestLy, the story and writings in it's nice...wonderfuL...I beLieve in God but I do'n Like beLieving in the christian God...
...there is this curiosity in me that teLLs mah souL to find that beLief that i wouLd reaLLy beLieve in...what??? ...am in a state of great confusion...where am Looking for those things which i'vE been wondering aLL this Lifetime ever since I opened mah eyes to the woRLd...
...whatever you peopLe wiLL say...wether what I beLieve and say is right Or wrOng...aLL I knOw is that...
...this is me...this is mah Life...this is everything I have...
...I know am stiLL growing up...i know there's stiLL a big worLd out there for me to see...i know there's stiLL too many things I have to Learn...peopLe to meet...things to finish...events to experience...
....and right at the pinnacLe...
...is the trUth am searching for...
..that wiLL enLighten me...
..frEe me..
..and right at that moment...I know I am fuLfiLLed...
..then, 'God' is with me...
Ta,
Ze Goddess
Motivation
January 3rd, 2007, wednesday... first cLass of 2007 starts...that night, Ii speNt hours infrOnt of our TV...I was wayching 'myx mo! 2006'...a show featuring different LocaL bands pLaying their songs in a what Looks like, a theatre...nor very good for a rockin' concert...then, mah father changed the channeL to MM2...the movie was The Godfather...I dounno if it's part 1 or 2 but AL Pacino was the man!!! t'was a good movie but it was oLd...then, I watched a foreign movie that somehow made me reaLize mah situation...it was a story of a 12-year oLd girL who ran away from home with her bestfriend...she never Liked her home and her parents...the two girLs Lived with two dopers in a faraway city...the two guys taught them how to steaL, smoke, and drink...but, then, in the end, they reaLized their mistake and went back home... I guess, she was just looking for peopLe to Love and understand her...and in the company of two drug users, she found refuge...they made her their famiLy, but never in the end...they have used her into doing bad...it showed me how futiLe innocence is...and each day, you need to guidance, you need to Learn...You can't make it on your own...
Ta,The Goddess
Ta,The Goddess
He was that guy!! I swear t'was Him!
I was so different back then...
I never thought this would ever happen to me...
I toLd mahseLf many times 'twas a big joke...
But, it never was...
It was reaL...
The pain was reaL...
I was happy somehow...
StiLL, it hurts...
But not now...
Not now that it's time to move on...
I met this guy 3 years ago...and he was never mah type...he had a Long hair, he was dark, and he seLdom takes his bath...stinks,right? but, he did that because he was inspired by another artist who doesn't takes his bath...wow...
He was an artist...a painter, and i Loved that! I admired his passion for the arts...He was so cooL...reaLLy cooL!
It was during those days when me and mah friends are going home and i aLways see him at their house...He wouLd aLways turn his head and stare at us each time we pass by their pLace...we aLways had that oh so reaL eye contacts....there was this deep intensity in his gaze...it feLt so good...I was magnetized...i couLdn't even breath...and right at that moment...i feLt my body meLting...my souL wandering through the abyss of the moment...sparks fLy and then i knew i was faLLing for him...
he was 12 years my senior...but it didn't matter to me...i want to be with him if onLy i had the chance...not too Long after, it was Lost though...that chance was aLready Lost now...He Loved somebody eLse and I was aLways just right there at his back...waiting and hoping he might soon notice me...But it was fooLish...i know...But, you may say i'm a fooL...I don't care...
In those times, you may teLL me to quit that nonsense, and I won't...coz you see...
somehow...that nonsense makes sense to me...
It was a hidden Love...i wish I shouLd have toLd him 'bout it...coz Like what they said...the most painfuL thing 'bout hidden Love, is that it never fades away...
maybe there was stiLL a very LittLe part in me that hopes for a future with him...But, I don't need him anymore...I don't need him to be on my mind anymore...Yes, he was the first man that I knew I Loved deepLy...But he'LL never be mah Last...God forbid that he'LL be....
He was just there onLy to teach me...not to Love me...
And for that, i thank him...he changed mah Life...because of him...I Learned to wait, to hope, to be patient, to Love, and to appreciate hurts and dissapointments...
I guess...he missed a very wonderfuL opportunity...But i wish him Luck in his Life...
Am gonna start a new journey...am gonna waLk the unorthodoxed raod...I wiLL then Leave a track for those who have gone astray...They'LL waLk that path where i Left mah footprints from a very tragic to a wonderfuL understanding in love and in Life...
Ta,
The Goddess
I never thought this would ever happen to me...
I toLd mahseLf many times 'twas a big joke...
But, it never was...
It was reaL...
The pain was reaL...
I was happy somehow...
StiLL, it hurts...
But not now...
Not now that it's time to move on...
I met this guy 3 years ago...and he was never mah type...he had a Long hair, he was dark, and he seLdom takes his bath...stinks,right? but, he did that because he was inspired by another artist who doesn't takes his bath...wow...
He was an artist...a painter, and i Loved that! I admired his passion for the arts...He was so cooL...reaLLy cooL!
It was during those days when me and mah friends are going home and i aLways see him at their house...He wouLd aLways turn his head and stare at us each time we pass by their pLace...we aLways had that oh so reaL eye contacts....there was this deep intensity in his gaze...it feLt so good...I was magnetized...i couLdn't even breath...and right at that moment...i feLt my body meLting...my souL wandering through the abyss of the moment...sparks fLy and then i knew i was faLLing for him...
he was 12 years my senior...but it didn't matter to me...i want to be with him if onLy i had the chance...not too Long after, it was Lost though...that chance was aLready Lost now...He Loved somebody eLse and I was aLways just right there at his back...waiting and hoping he might soon notice me...But it was fooLish...i know...But, you may say i'm a fooL...I don't care...
In those times, you may teLL me to quit that nonsense, and I won't...coz you see...
somehow...that nonsense makes sense to me...
It was a hidden Love...i wish I shouLd have toLd him 'bout it...coz Like what they said...the most painfuL thing 'bout hidden Love, is that it never fades away...
maybe there was stiLL a very LittLe part in me that hopes for a future with him...But, I don't need him anymore...I don't need him to be on my mind anymore...Yes, he was the first man that I knew I Loved deepLy...But he'LL never be mah Last...God forbid that he'LL be....
He was just there onLy to teach me...not to Love me...
And for that, i thank him...he changed mah Life...because of him...I Learned to wait, to hope, to be patient, to Love, and to appreciate hurts and dissapointments...
I guess...he missed a very wonderfuL opportunity...But i wish him Luck in his Life...
Am gonna start a new journey...am gonna waLk the unorthodoxed raod...I wiLL then Leave a track for those who have gone astray...They'LL waLk that path where i Left mah footprints from a very tragic to a wonderfuL understanding in love and in Life...
Ta,
The Goddess
aM i kmLc??
i reaLLy Love my Life...it may not be Luxurious or wonderfuL as the most famous and the richest pipoL in the worLd, but atLeast, i consider mine the greatest...
I am a person who desires greatness in myself...i am ambitious...but, even so, i work hard and believe in myself...I admirE miCheLangeLo bounarouttii am confident that i can go to the top and be a pioneer!!!wahahahahah!!! i want to be perfect...and yes, i know perfection is impossible but i'LL try to be one...Anna PavLova once said...
I Love pipoL...i Love to chat...i Love to discuss my emotions...i Love to share my views...i Love to have fun!!! i have this zest for Life that cannot be taken away by anyone...i have tis rebeLLios nature that makes me headstrong...
They see me as a wild child...and they're correct!!! haha! i Love music, it's the water that i take...i Love anime, it's the air that i breath...MUSIC and ANIME is my souL...take it away from me, then you'LL see how a flower withers and dies...
Just Love me for who i am, and accept me...i'LL be easy to Love, pRomizzz....aheheheheh....i' really complicated though, very hard to understand...i don't even understand myseLf a lot of times!!! but, mah friends...i need you aLL to boLster my seLf-worth...i'm aLL fun and risk!!!
Ta!!!
The GoddEss
I am a person who desires greatness in myself...i am ambitious...but, even so, i work hard and believe in myself...I admirE miCheLangeLo bounarouttii am confident that i can go to the top and be a pioneer!!!wahahahahah!!! i want to be perfect...and yes, i know perfection is impossible but i'LL try to be one...Anna PavLova once said...
I Love pipoL...i Love to chat...i Love to discuss my emotions...i Love to share my views...i Love to have fun!!! i have this zest for Life that cannot be taken away by anyone...i have tis rebeLLios nature that makes me headstrong...
They see me as a wild child...and they're correct!!! haha! i Love music, it's the water that i take...i Love anime, it's the air that i breath...MUSIC and ANIME is my souL...take it away from me, then you'LL see how a flower withers and dies...
Just Love me for who i am, and accept me...i'LL be easy to Love, pRomizzz....aheheheheh....i' really complicated though, very hard to understand...i don't even understand myseLf a lot of times!!! but, mah friends...i need you aLL to boLster my seLf-worth...i'm aLL fun and risk!!!
Ta!!!
The GoddEss
..Trust Nature's God
...i am DeiSt...
...a seLf-confessed beLiever in Deism
...in mind, in heart and in souL.
Never did I imagined there exist a group of peopLe who, Like me, beLieve in a God and dismiss reveaLed reLigions...
Before, i was stunned by my view of the worLd and existence of Life..
I was born to a Christian famiLy, babtized to the Christian reLigion. Expected to foLLow the Christian doctrines and Laws...to beLieve in the bibLe..reveLation...the Word of God.
Then, i started being skepticaL about the origin of everything...I started to doubt the writings of the bibLe and the way of worship in the church and it's priests and foLLowers..
Ever since, i never Liked going to church...i've toLd this to severaL friends and they've been aLL disagreeing with me. I know it wouLd be hard making them understand, but being a DeiSt, i am happy..
I've been thinking of changing my reLigion for so many times now...i didn't Like the Christian teachings...it's as if i am so pressured & i can't have much freedom to express my mind concerning God and creation...peopLe around me wouLd sureLy oppose me and insist the teachings of reveaLed reLigions and wouLd not, even for a second, wouLd listen to me. The more I read and understand the bibLe, the more i Lose my faith in the things that don't reaLLy exist and aLL just Lies...
...i am a DeiSt..not an athEist...I believe God exists. God can't be seen nor can be touched. It can't even be perceived by the human mind. But, the things around us enough evidence...the worLd, nature and us...we aLL know there is no creation without a creator. He is somewhere, just watching over us..
..i hated to beLong in a religion where beLievers just go to the church, pray with everybody without even knowing the reaL reasOn of their faiths & the doctrines & dogmas...the purpose of their reLigion. Without caring if they're beLieving in Lies and faLse teachings. For me, these peopLe are weak. In the sense, that they see reveaLed reLigions as a way to enrich their futiLe minds and because everybody worships and beLieves in one common beLief..they wouLd say, "everybody does, then, I shouLd do so...the majority beLieves, then it's the truth."...fantasizing it is the truth. They wouLdn't waste time thinking if it's the truth...they wouldn't bother thinking reasons and answers to uLtimate inquiries everybody asks. It's a shame they didn't have the courage to question their reLigion.
..free-wiLL..we had this from the day we took our first breath to the worLd...God doesn't controL us...ReLigions beLieve that God controLs us and our destiny...what happens to us is the wiLL of God...NO...we are putting our freedom and our Lives to someone that doesn't exist physicaLLy here on earth! It's Like saying your Letting a ghost to controL your Life! God just watches, and never interfere on how we act and speak...but, ofcourse we shouLdn't be abusive...there is a naturaL Law which shouLd be foLLowed. We, Deists beLieve and are obLiged to foLLow these ruLes...
..it feeLs good to finaLLy break free from the fantasies and Lies reveaLed reLigions do...especiaLLy being a Christian...
...Not everybody beLieves n Lies because everybody does. There are some peopLe out there who thirsts for knowLedge, enLightenment and truth...
........jOin us... WorLd Union of Deist and visit our site deism.com
Ta,
ze Goddess
...a seLf-confessed beLiever in Deism
...in mind, in heart and in souL.
Never did I imagined there exist a group of peopLe who, Like me, beLieve in a God and dismiss reveaLed reLigions...
Before, i was stunned by my view of the worLd and existence of Life..
I was born to a Christian famiLy, babtized to the Christian reLigion. Expected to foLLow the Christian doctrines and Laws...to beLieve in the bibLe..reveLation...the Word of God.
Then, i started being skepticaL about the origin of everything...I started to doubt the writings of the bibLe and the way of worship in the church and it's priests and foLLowers..
Ever since, i never Liked going to church...i've toLd this to severaL friends and they've been aLL disagreeing with me. I know it wouLd be hard making them understand, but being a DeiSt, i am happy..
I've been thinking of changing my reLigion for so many times now...i didn't Like the Christian teachings...it's as if i am so pressured & i can't have much freedom to express my mind concerning God and creation...peopLe around me wouLd sureLy oppose me and insist the teachings of reveaLed reLigions and wouLd not, even for a second, wouLd listen to me. The more I read and understand the bibLe, the more i Lose my faith in the things that don't reaLLy exist and aLL just Lies...
...i am a DeiSt..not an athEist...I believe God exists. God can't be seen nor can be touched. It can't even be perceived by the human mind. But, the things around us enough evidence...the worLd, nature and us...we aLL know there is no creation without a creator. He is somewhere, just watching over us..
..i hated to beLong in a religion where beLievers just go to the church, pray with everybody without even knowing the reaL reasOn of their faiths & the doctrines & dogmas...the purpose of their reLigion. Without caring if they're beLieving in Lies and faLse teachings. For me, these peopLe are weak. In the sense, that they see reveaLed reLigions as a way to enrich their futiLe minds and because everybody worships and beLieves in one common beLief..they wouLd say, "everybody does, then, I shouLd do so...the majority beLieves, then it's the truth."...fantasizing it is the truth. They wouLdn't waste time thinking if it's the truth...they wouldn't bother thinking reasons and answers to uLtimate inquiries everybody asks. It's a shame they didn't have the courage to question their reLigion.
..free-wiLL..we had this from the day we took our first breath to the worLd...God doesn't controL us...ReLigions beLieve that God controLs us and our destiny...what happens to us is the wiLL of God...NO...we are putting our freedom and our Lives to someone that doesn't exist physicaLLy here on earth! It's Like saying your Letting a ghost to controL your Life! God just watches, and never interfere on how we act and speak...but, ofcourse we shouLdn't be abusive...there is a naturaL Law which shouLd be foLLowed. We, Deists beLieve and are obLiged to foLLow these ruLes...
..it feeLs good to finaLLy break free from the fantasies and Lies reveaLed reLigions do...especiaLLy being a Christian...
...Not everybody beLieves n Lies because everybody does. There are some peopLe out there who thirsts for knowLedge, enLightenment and truth...
........jOin us... WorLd Union of Deist and visit our site deism.com
Ta,
ze Goddess
AGAINST COWARDICE Diego Silang's Revolt
It was in the Spanish Period in the Philippines were several revolts were brought up into the community that led to important turning points in the history of the Philippines. It was in those times that the Filipino Nationalism sprung into reality, and the abstract concept of liberty and independence materialized in the minds of the Filipinos..and the cowardice of an oprresed soul will be thrown back to the wind.
During the colonization of the Spaniards, the indios received the cold stares of the high-standard residents of the country. These residents who belong to the upper classes were the peninsulares, and the insulares, who were both very cold and cruel in their regards to the Filipino natives. The spanish government had planted into the hearts of the indios great dislike and despair towards them and their way of ruling the people. They exacted unreasonable tributes, and cruel abuses to the Filipinos, these fueled the spirit of one of the heroes to fight against these injustices, the brave Ilocano who wanted to put into leadership some of the well-trained Ilocano officials. It was Diego Silang, an Ilocano born in pangasinan. The person who believed in self-government, justice and fairness, freedom and independence. In his time, he saw the cruelty of the Spaniards, not just in the Ilocos region, but as well as in Manila and other neighboring towns and provinces, he then, started an uprising together with his fellow Ilocanos. Diego Silang was an intelligent man, he speak the spanish language fluently and speaks his native language in that manner also. This helped him in his correspondence to other natives in sharing his plan of rebellion towards the spaniards. In the other parts of the Ilocos region, different revolts led by different leaders were executed. Now, it is his time to execute his own. He had gathered all other of his companions into a secret assembly to discuss about the matter, not knowing one of them was a spy and later will cause the death of an important Ilocano hero. Their attempt to overthrow the Spanish power in the Ilocos province was succesful, hence, making Vigan its capital. The goal of Diego Silang of putting Ilocano natives as officials of the Ilocos province. It was a grace God has given to them, allowing a chance for change in the lives of the Filipinos. During those times, Great Britain is at war with France, who was allies to Spain. Diego Silang planned to unite with the british forces, however, the british help didnt materialized.
After their dominion of the province, finally capturing the preists and held self-government, the irony happened. Along with success, came death. During the meeting with his companions where a Filipino spy of the priests overheard the issue, they never knew what fate could bring them, but death itself. The spy was a friend to Silang, his name was Miguel vicos, a Spanish-Ilocano mestizo. Diego was at his own home together with his wife Josefa Gabriela Silang, when Miguel Vicos with a company, who were paid by the spanish officials of the church, shot him to death. This ended the life of a brave Filipino hero.
Diego Silangs death was not the end of the uprising of Filipino nationalism and dream for independence and liberty. Silang's wife, Gabriela Silang later continued her husbands aspirations. She also led the Ilocanos into rebellion to the Spanish government. Not just her, but many filipinos who have the same belief in embracing freedom for the happiness of ones country, led heroic revolts to finally grasp these aims.
During the colonization of the Spaniards, the indios received the cold stares of the high-standard residents of the country. These residents who belong to the upper classes were the peninsulares, and the insulares, who were both very cold and cruel in their regards to the Filipino natives. The spanish government had planted into the hearts of the indios great dislike and despair towards them and their way of ruling the people. They exacted unreasonable tributes, and cruel abuses to the Filipinos, these fueled the spirit of one of the heroes to fight against these injustices, the brave Ilocano who wanted to put into leadership some of the well-trained Ilocano officials. It was Diego Silang, an Ilocano born in pangasinan. The person who believed in self-government, justice and fairness, freedom and independence. In his time, he saw the cruelty of the Spaniards, not just in the Ilocos region, but as well as in Manila and other neighboring towns and provinces, he then, started an uprising together with his fellow Ilocanos. Diego Silang was an intelligent man, he speak the spanish language fluently and speaks his native language in that manner also. This helped him in his correspondence to other natives in sharing his plan of rebellion towards the spaniards. In the other parts of the Ilocos region, different revolts led by different leaders were executed. Now, it is his time to execute his own. He had gathered all other of his companions into a secret assembly to discuss about the matter, not knowing one of them was a spy and later will cause the death of an important Ilocano hero. Their attempt to overthrow the Spanish power in the Ilocos province was succesful, hence, making Vigan its capital. The goal of Diego Silang of putting Ilocano natives as officials of the Ilocos province. It was a grace God has given to them, allowing a chance for change in the lives of the Filipinos. During those times, Great Britain is at war with France, who was allies to Spain. Diego Silang planned to unite with the british forces, however, the british help didnt materialized.
After their dominion of the province, finally capturing the preists and held self-government, the irony happened. Along with success, came death. During the meeting with his companions where a Filipino spy of the priests overheard the issue, they never knew what fate could bring them, but death itself. The spy was a friend to Silang, his name was Miguel vicos, a Spanish-Ilocano mestizo. Diego was at his own home together with his wife Josefa Gabriela Silang, when Miguel Vicos with a company, who were paid by the spanish officials of the church, shot him to death. This ended the life of a brave Filipino hero.
Diego Silangs death was not the end of the uprising of Filipino nationalism and dream for independence and liberty. Silang's wife, Gabriela Silang later continued her husbands aspirations. She also led the Ilocanos into rebellion to the Spanish government. Not just her, but many filipinos who have the same belief in embracing freedom for the happiness of ones country, led heroic revolts to finally grasp these aims.
Friday, August 8, 2008
Fantasy versus Reality
"yOu can't win at everything but yOu can try"...as said by Ely Buendia, vocaList for the FiLipino bands Eraserheads and PupiL in the song 'with a smiLe'...
..i've been dreaming and hoping for perfection aLL this time...i thought of what Anna PavLova once said, to paraphrase it, "perfection is impossibLe, but i'LL try to be perfect"...my Life was never perfect, even a LittLe cLose to it. my Life was fiLLed with more pain, suffering, hopeLessness, LoneLiness, and mistakes than happiness, gLory, success, and pLeasure...i've been inside my cocoon for so many years..been dreaming..just dreaming of a Life where i wiLL never again know misery's pain...after years and years of pretending of being somebody eLse...acting as the person i aLways dreamed to be...i finaLLy come to reaLize what those Lies had made me...
First, i didn't know waht to do. i was in confusion...as i speak, words are distorted...my eyes were Like those of a ghost's souL chained inside a prison ceLL..it was dark..it was haunted...there wasn't any warmth in me as i stare at things around me...coLd as ice...i was...
...i've Longed for freedom...i've Longed to experience what sunLight wouLd feeL on my cheeks...but i was afraid...afraid that it wouLd burn my skin and wiLL Leave scars that wouLd never heaL. in aother words, i was afraid to get hurt if i open myseLf to the reaL worLd.. because inside my fantasy...it might be painfuL, but i thought outside must be much more tormenting...
..i was wrong.. it wasn't Long when i finaLLy break Loose from my private cocoon...the haunting ghost was finaLLy saved, and then, i reaLizd i won't go anywhere by just dreaming...i wanted everything to be perfect as possibLe, i wanted to have everything..everything...i thought i have aLL the power..the controL...and i was wrong...that power onLy existed in my own iLL-fated worLd...in reaLity, it was hard to grab the power i so yearned...
..i've Learned a Lesson...it's not wrong to dream big, neither it is impossibLe to reach even the most difficuLt goaLs...because somehow, atLeast you can have one thing that you needed the most, but not everything that you wanted to have...if there shouLd be one great goaL for me...a dream..it wouLd be to be the greatest cartoonist in the worLd! and to own an animation company in the phiLippines where the taLent of many great FiLipinos in art and animation wiLL be recognized by many...
..my goaL was to fOLLow my greatest passion...it doesn't matter if i Lose everything for that passion...atLeast i know it was the very best thing to make me happy and satisfied...i am not very inteLLectuaL. kinda more of an ideaListic than reaListic...but every persons principLe is the thing that makes him aLive and surviving...never teLL anyone that his principLes are wrong, it wiLL onLy make him feeL worthLess and hopeLess...Learn to share with hiM your views and never criticize his opinions...by then, he'LL reaLize what is wrong and what shouLd be right...
so if i foLLow my heart, and do wahat i most Love doing..it's my decision...it's my principLe in Life...it's my foundation of surviving...
..now, i know i don't reaLLy need to have everything..it is enough that i couLd fuLLfiLL one great dream...that is, to foLLow what i know is right and good for me...
giRLz, pArty&DriNkz
A girl is much more than she seems She's not a toy by any means Underneath all the make-up and hair There's a tag that says: "Handle with care"
A heart is not a play thing. A heart is not a toy But if you want it broken Just give it to a boy
A wise man once said, "I don't know, go ask a woman!"
Boys are like a box of chocolates...You never know which one has nuts
Busy beautifing myself, it's a girl thing.
Friends are forever, and Guys are whatever ... But when worse comes to worse ... My GIRLS Come First!
God made man before women because you always make a rough draft before the final masterpiece.
I hate thongs, I mean come on, who needs to floss their ass?
I know I'm beautiful but I still need my make-up.
If you think girls are all for clothes make-up, jewelry and boys, then you're right.
| Wait for the boy who will drop everything for you at any time of the day just to see you. Wait for the boy that will make an ordinary moment seem magical. Wait for the boy that you can't help but smile when you see, and when he smiles, you know he needs you. Wait for the boy who will be your best friend. the one who wants to show you off to the world even in your sweats with no make up...but most of all, wait for the boy who will put you in the center of the universe, because he is obviously the center of yours | ||
Waiting for the right guy, meanwhile having fun with all the wrong ones. A drunk girl's words are a sober girl's thoughts... Getting drunk is a skill, alright!?! Hey %n I'm busy right now... there is a bottle, boys, and a circle... come back when my turn is done ;)
Life is a waste of time. Time is a waste of life. So lets all get wasted, And have the time of our lives! Sometimes when I reflect back on all the beer I drink I feel ashamed. Then I look into the glass and think about the workers in the brewery and all of their hopes and dreams. If I didn't drink this beer, they might be out of work and their dreams would be shattered. Then I say to myself, "It is better that I drink this beer and let their dreams come true than be selfish and worry about my liver." |
Gold Coins and Flowers
..is life crazy? is it beautiful? is it ugly? what's wrong with it??
..it's like forever, walking the path of gold, silver and brass...which is wonderful? the flowers along the road? or the gold coins on my feet?
..the sun and clounds up in the sky above my head, the ocean blue beyond my reach, can it be something of a hope for me? is it the doubt i feel inside each time i realize none of them is within my grasps?
..what else is there left for me in this universe? lonesome people along the road, meeting my eyes, waving their distress at me, hoping to find solace from someone who doesn't even know herself..or does she? their force of negativity attracting the senses of her..God, it must be her stupidity or ignorance perhaps?
..tell them, they're not alone..behind those smiles and laughter, hides the true face of helplessness..it's her, the one who hasn't yet come out of her shell..
..why is she still afraid of the world? when hurt hits her, can't she even move on? what is it like to be tied up in your guilts and resentments? is it her fault that she thinks she is a failure? that no good piece of a crap..
..she can't help it, maybe..but the world is such a big place, and she's only one person, small ang fickle..very futile..what else can she do? she's on her own..
..where's her family? dunno...the real ones? no idea..
..where's her friends? dunno..the real ones? no idea..no permanence perhaps..
..where's her inspirations? dunno..the real ones? no idea..left her perhaps..
..does she ever had someone to love? and love her in return? ..i don't think so..
..she never had the right persons - always..men? it's easy to find them, they're anywhere, and is for somebody not for her..always in vain..always closed from them..bestfriends? so pathetic, i'll tell you none..think she got her? she was never been the bestfriend though she always wanted to be one..
..she was giving, friendly, caring, helpful,kind and understanding..but did anybody see that?? no..nobody ever payed attention to this poor soul..i guess it'll always be like that..never changing..stupid, pathetic, pitiful but true..and all she got to do is to accept it, just be strong though she knows how hard it is..it might be the only way to hide her misery, don't tell anyone your agony, no one will ever listen and understand, because your on your own..
..unfortunate of you..you had good qualities but they're a waste, no one will ever appreciate them..only you and i can see it..just try to be happy, i know your not..still, it's ok..be strong..
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