Rising Sun

The rising sun is such an art,

hovering above fading silhouettes of concrete,

magnificent golden rays lighting the grey sky.

I, alone, watch behind dewy glass windowpanes,

reminiscing times of days gone by.

like when I thought I've found my own shining sun,

or when I thought I've finally settled

on what I dreamed to be the future.

I was wrong, painfully mistaken to have thought so.

The sun whispers to me in silent grace,

across my solitary room, I peer,

seeing the sun rise and set and rise again.

My life as it is: a see-saw in the playground of God.

07March2016

Codependent

1
Put milk in my coffee,

Not the usual I want;

Stir it until creamy,

I like it lukewarm.

2

Open the curtains to see,

Tiny homes and skyscrapers;

Point to me what you see,

Cast shadows or towers?

3
Lie with me on the bed,

Soft cushions that drown;

Lay your head on my chest,

I barely breathe a sound.

4

Paint the gray walls white,

Until it's bright as moon;
Dim the lamps at night,

And we dance to your tune.

To the man who would want to date me

Before you show interest in me,

   know that I am a wreck.

I’ve been damaged quite a deal that I do not know how

   to look and feel brand new again.

You would have to deal with a lot of wounds and scars

   that will take forever to mend.

Know that I’ve been abused,

   trauma has cut deep and bruised my soul.

I am no more a princess, a lady or anything exquisite.

I am now just a jaded, rusty, old and used tool.

If you ever think of holding these hands,

   they will be too rough, dry and cold;

   they have touched too many barren soil.

If you ever think of listening to me sing,

   you would hear a hoarse voice tired of life.

If you ever think of gazing into these eyes,

   you would only see through a hollow and lifeless pair,

   broken windows to a haunted mind.

If you ever think of kissing these lips,

   you would rather stop and see if they’re real;

   if they’re still red as roses, soft as silk, and warm as daylight.

For these have tasted how bitter the poison of love is.

And would you even dare embrace this frail body?

But, if you ever are too willful to know

   the depths of despair I have been into,

   the history of when I was still a child,

   the thoughts of a woman who has lost too many battles,

   please remember, that I never wished  to be this way.

I have fought too hard,

   and may not survive any longer.

I have weakened in both my mind and soul.

I might have loved greatly before,

   but love has abandoned me, and there isn’t anymore.

Tell me if you wish,

   though I will only be scared to listen.

I am hurting far too much to start again.

I know all too well the price to pay

   for an ounce of love and acceptance.

It is expensive, and ridiculously so.

That even my whole has been paid to the piper.

If you were to date me,

   what will I get?

If you were to love me,

   up to what degree or depth?

Will you endure?

Will you accept these flaws and faults?

Join my suffering or lift me up.

For a long time, I have lost my shine.

And if luck would allow that I would love you back,
Don’t make me regret giving myself another chance.