For the Sake of Being Odd

October 24, 2014

For the sake of religion. Instance #1:When I was in grade 2, I worshipped this old tree with my cult friends at school. We offered it our milk drinks and whatever extra we had.

In 6th grade, I worshipped the earth and drew patterns and symbols that only it and I could understand. Creepy little girl.

For the sake of meditation and pantheism. Instance #2:

I was in my shorts and spaghetti strapped top when I decided to meditate outside. It was already deep in the night and I sat at the patio of the house, crossed my legs in front of me and rested my palms against my thighs. I breathed slowly and steadily while my eyes were closed to still my mind and body. A few seconds later, I was shivering, damn the cold, and my teeth rattled, then my body went numb all over. I hyperventilated. Ugh.

For the sake of drama and literature. Instance #3:

That was when I was heartbroken and I hated myself of writing about *** in my journal. I felt angry and devastated, so I ripped the magical black page off my notes and decided I need to forget about ***. I found a candle and lit it inside the room. It was fine until I burned the paper. Of course, I stupidly suffocated myself inside the room. I couldn't go out and ask for help, because it was embarrassing!

I can't help but laugh at myself remembering the foolish things I did in the past for the sake of art and mysticism. For one, I burned incense in oil in my room at night, sleeping in the dim candlelit space. I admit the aroma smelt like forest wood and lingered in the whole house. Ugh, but I did it anyway.

February 5, 2014

I miss those times when I used to line my eyes with kohl, brush my cheeks with rouge, color my eyelids in purple or pink, wear different shades of lipstick, do my hair in any style, and dye my hair brown or gold...

I miss being the weirdo and gaga... I miss the wild and eccentric…

I miss being misunderstood...