Gold Coins and Flowers

..is life crazy? is it beautiful? is it ugly? what's wrong with it??

..it's like forever, walking the path of gold, silver and brass...which is wonderful? the flowers along the road? or the gold coins on my feet?

..the sun and clounds up in the sky above my head, the ocean blue beyond my reach, can it be something of a hope for me? is it the doubt i feel inside each time i realize none of them is within my grasps?

..what else is there left for me in this universe? lonesome people along the road, meeting my eyes, waving their distress at me, hoping to find solace from someone who doesn't even know herself..or does she? their force of negativity attracting the senses of her..God, it must be her stupidity or ignorance perhaps?

..tell them, they're not alone..behind those smiles and laughter, hides the true face of helplessness..it's her, the one who hasn't yet come out of her shell..

..why is she still afraid of the world? when hurt hits her, can't she even move on? what is it like to be tied up in your guilts and resentments? is it her fault that she thinks she is a failure? that no good piece of a crap..

..she can't help it, maybe..but the world is such a big place, and she's only one person, small ang fickle..very futile..what else can she do? she's on her own..

..where's her family? dunno...the real ones? no idea..

..where's her friends? dunno..the real ones? no idea..no permanence perhaps..

..where's her inspirations? dunno..the real ones? no idea..left her perhaps..

..does she ever had someone to love? and love her in return? ..i don't think so..

..she never had the right persons - always..men? it's easy to find them, they're anywhere, and is for somebody not for her..always in vain..always closed from them..bestfriends? so pathetic, i'll tell you none..think she got her? she was never been the bestfriend though she always wanted to be one..

..she was giving, friendly, caring, helpful,kind and understanding..but did anybody see that?? no..nobody ever payed attention to this poor soul..i guess it'll always be like that..never changing..stupid, pathetic, pitiful but true..and all she got to do is to accept it, just be strong though she knows how hard it is..it might be the only way to hide her misery, don't tell anyone your agony, no one will ever listen and understand, because your on your own..

..unfortunate of you..you had good qualities but they're a waste, no one will ever appreciate them..only you and i can see it..just try to be happy, i know your not..still, it's ok..be strong..