The Old Unmoving Companion of Life

I chose the huge cold lifeless boulder sitting in the lawn of which its existence I could never fathom how long has been.

The young vigorous bud only suits a weathered pair of eyes.

I have seen much more, I have plucked some more.    

Teeming with what seems to be an animated splendor in evanescent moments of summer.

PAPERCUT

I lick the tip of the paper,

slowly.

Feeling its sharpness

as it slide across my tongue.

The sensation tingles pleasure to my mouth.

My lips quiver at the wetness of the sheet.

I remember you.

From a memory lost a long time,

You were my god.

I wasn't told you were screwed-up,

Yet I loved you anyhow.

It wasn't a lifetime with you, I know.

Neither was it a whirlwind love, but you know,

I got to admit, you took all my innocence.

All the desire, all the bliss,

All the good things,

I owe them all to you, yes.

Though you're gone,

Your lust lives in me,

You've cast your shadow,

on a soul liberally unfree.

It's not you but what you've made me,

That, which will last forever.

This road goes on infinitely.

And as I hold my pen

to write the story of my life,

My thought wanders to the place

where I danced with you all night.

Intoxicated, you told me you love me

And swore upon your cigarette

that I will be your one and only.

It was a pact upon that smoke,

that I still strongly hold on to.

I liked it that way.

That I was nothing more

or less than your woman.

The one and only.

But, in what sense did you mean that?

You gait across the room,

Your eyes so sharp.

Were you looking for a prey?

I did love it.

I yearned for it.

Maybe to be torn apart, like papercut.

You held me with those strong hands,

turned me around and said,

"Baby, you're mine.

Look me in the eye,

I've got you all right."

Dysthymia

     I’m feeling insecure with my language and teaching skills. The more I teach, the more I want to cringe in self-pity and helplessness. The more I work in this profession, the less I feel the joy. It seems like whatever I set myself to do backfires in the end. Whatever passion I had eventually trickles to nothing. I feel ashamed of myself; I feel like a hole void of light and hope. I have emptied myself of the remaining meager life that I created back in time when I was still full of youthful idealism.

Why am I an omnivore?

Everything bores me in the end. I think I might need stimulant drugs. Or maybe, I just want to be dead for a day. If this is how my life will keep going, I'd rather kill myself now. Somebody, poison me, please!

Dear Myself

Dear Myself,

I am utterly confused about you. In fact, the more I try to understand you, the more you become elusive. When I ask you a question, you answer back almost immediately without thinking then you change your mind. At times, you wouldn't even respond to me. I don't know what to believe in all that you say because you would defend that everything you said was or felt true WHEN you said it. What did you mean by that? More than once, you act like somebody else that I don't who you really are anymore, yet you said it was the way you are--constantly changing as how you put it. I want to believe you but it's hard to keep up with your shifting personalities. I try to ground you but you are too persistent and stubborn to fly away from any bind. We've been through so much until this time--and from this time onward, I might not be able to hold your hands anymore, and in time, lose you forever.

From I

Each passing day leaves my soul rotten.

The conundrum of solitude strips me insane.

Peaceful serenity of melancholy mocks.

Drifter Thoughts

I hope for one thing: 
For people to forget I existed, and to remember I lived.

My absence means nothing and don't expect my homecoming. I know only one home and that is my dream. A house is not a home for a vagabond like me, I live under the stars and on the grass I sleep. My mind gets lost in the beauty of ideas, my eyes marvel at the wonders of the world, my heart embraces life through the wind and sounds of nature. I am but one with all, love, peace, and God is within me as He is around us.

Frozen In Bliss IV: The King, My Lord

Thunder pounds through my heart,

Lightning jagged the skies,

Sable heavens open to its final disgrace,

But I alone knew its victor who.

The birds sang him praise.

In spite heaven’s fall,

Tho fire of hell yearns his beard,

No matter flame destroys his valor.

But I alone knew his godly might.

And I alone felt the ardent love of his manhood.

And who am I speaking of?

None but the savior you all love.

He is your man,

Man above men.

And my man, I pride to say,

My man of glory.

The King, my Lord.

And if you would not believe me,

As the wisest would tell thee,

But I swear on my mother’s death,

How lovely his passion for me.

No matter, I said.

What stays is his memorie.

On second thought perchance,

The Creeps whom wants his head,

Oh, burn them! Take them out!

Cruelty, disgrace, violence and shame.

Why my Lord? Why Him of all else?

Power-hungry, thy souls in Hell,

Halt! I beg thee enough!

The King, My Lord!

My Love, my hope!

‘Tis not the time of his defeat,

Not in any hour of this world.

Peace and growth life hath seen,

In this valley o’ goodness our Man reigned;

We love thee, Oh King!

In our hearts, ye remain unfaltering!

And whence they came, as My King expected,

Like Aruka the Empress once said:

“I came from the Faraway, thou shall kneel down before me,

I, Aruka, the Empress tells of power and beauty!

You, the King I doubt the might!

But thou cast all ill-mouthed of speaking heresy.

Thou point at ‘em, and proved thy wisdom.

Thus, a pleasure to his kingdom.”

And it was done.

The eyes of my Dear King hath seen a new flesh,

Not of the weak, not of the meek.

Fair and Wise lady warrior, I beg thee mercy upon me!

I am in misery, a raging green of jealousy,

Why thou?

Milord, what hap my heart?

Forget me not, a love that transcends all that is beyond.

My soul, to which cursed itself of losing thy shadow;

Bear a moment with me, and I shall die with favour.

Unknown, you fancy green serpent-like gazes?

Tight-lipped mouth that speaks of heroic legions?

Pale-white skin glowing in the moonlight?

Divine strength of lady warriors?

Ah! And those breasts of ever a-flow fertility?

Where doth I stand then?

On the green grass of envy,

of jealousy,

of hatred.

And t’was not me at fault.

On my deathbed, never blame me.

The bard whose soft voice lulls me to peace,

I do not feel shame.

Tho’ both sleeps entwined on that nostalgic master’s bed

I do not swallow in grief,

But pray the oceanic creature fall from grace!

Rukiyuki Puzzle

I came from being Killua to Rukawa to Chaos to Goddess to Cherry blossom to Kiyuki Meili Chizuko to Diamond Stone to Aurora Caelestis to Mistress Gaga to Rukiyuki.

I am multiple in personality, having many faces, numerous identity.

Let me then give you the main fractions of my being:

From Anonymity, I became Gravity, From Gravity, I returned to Anonymity, And from Anonymity, I was pulled back to Gravity.

Anonymity. For once, I was unknown, I never had a name, a real identity, or

was I ever an entity once?

I am someone you will never know, exact and specific.

Gravity. There was this great force which pulled me into its swirl of energy.

It was Gravity.

Lost in anonymity, I found Gravity, pulling me back to the ground of existence, pulling me back to the abyss of my soul, my real soul.

There I found,

a pond of emotions,

of different faces,

of different entities.

Ah, is this me?

is this my soul?

Why, I am not just one, I am many. It was like walking into a wardrobe of various colors and designs, it was extraordinary.

I learned now that I can easily grab one mask and wear it on occasion, I now learned it was not my curse, it was actually what made me special, what made me exquisitely rare. so, now, why would I bother, fret over if people don't like me? if they couldn't understand me? if they choose to mock me?

I now thought,

maybe it was really my intention to confuse people,

to deviate them from my truth.

Maybe...

I always enjoyed playing their minds,

...tricks and stones...

I was a good puzzle...

...that I almost fooled even myself of the reality...

I Can't Keep Smiling Forever

Just like what they always say, "If you have problems, better keep them to yourself. People don't care about your problems, anyway."

We are not alike, in any way, we differ a lot. But I guess, they're really right in accusing me as indifferent. In fact I am indifferent, that's why I'm so distant from everybody, including those I learned to love, but who doesn't even see me worthwhile.

I have always tried to please, because what I wanted was to simply have someone that I can call my bestfriend. If to have a bestfriend an impossible dream, I can settle for a mere friend.

Tell me, is it my fault that I am too indifferent? Should you blame me for not being too showy of my feelings?

When I say that I treasure you so much, I sincerely do. If I give you a present, a hug or a smile, it is genuine. They say I'm plastic, a liar, a hypocrite. Heaven knows how it stung. I was never plastic, liar, and a hypocrite. They often misunderstood me, and my efforts to please and make my friends feel good goes in vain. It hurts to see them all together, it hurts to hear them utter words that I never heard as a friend, and it hurts to know that you are nothing compared to the other bestfriends.

Why am I always in the least? Someone least intelligent, least kind, least adorable, least loving, least careful, least funny, least beautiful, least talented, least friendly, least noticed, least rememered, least mentioned, and the least special?

I always bear in mind to make everybody feel happy and special. Their good is one of my biggest concerns. I don't care if they laugh at me, insult me, as long as I get to hear just one single statement from them..."You are so special to me." But what do I receive in return? Nothing. If there is something, it's "You are stupid."

I just want to be someone special. I just want somebody to know I'm here, to acknowledge that I'm loving not indifferent, and to be my bestfriend. It's just so simple, isn't it?

Now, I don't think I can keep smiling forever.

Guilty or Innocent?

From a friends Note in Facebook....

RULES:

1. You can only say Innocent or Guilty for each question.

2. You are not allowed to explain anything unless someone messages you and asks!

3. You must behonest!

Asked someone to marry you?

Innocent.

Kissed one of your Facebook friends?

Guilty.

Danced on a table in a bar?

Innocent.

Ever told a lie?

Guilty.

Had feelings for someone who you can't have?

Guilty.

Ever had feelings for your friend's bf/gf?

Guilty.

Ever kissed someone of the same sex?

Guilty.

Kissed a picture?

Guilty.

Slept in until 5 PM?

Guilty.

Fallen asleep at work/school?

Guilty.

Held a snake?

Guilty.

Been suspended from school?

Innocent.

Worked at a fast food restaurant?

Guilty.

Stolen from a store?

Guilty.

Been fired from a job?

Innocent.

Done something you regret?

Guilty.

Laughed until something you were drinking came out your nose?

Guilty.

Sat on a roof top?

Guilty.

Kissed someone you shouldn't have?

Guilty.

Sang in the shower?

Guilty.

Been on the best website for cool facebook stuff - facebookcraze.com?

Innocent.

Been pushed into a pool with all your clothes on?

Guilty.

Shaved your head?

Innocent.

Slept naked?

Guilty.

Had a gym membership?

Guilty.

Made a boyfriend/girlfriend cry?

Innocent.

Been in a band?

Guilty.

Donated Blood?

Innocent.

Still love someone you shouldn't?

Guilty.

Have a tattoo?

Innocent.

Liked someone, but will never tell who?

Guilty.

Been too honest?

Guilty.

Ruined a surprise?

Guilty.

Erased someone in your friends list?

Guilty.

Dressed in a woman's clothes (if your a guy) or man's clothes (if your agirl)?

Guilty.

Had communication with your ex?

Guilty.

Got so angry that you cried?

Guilty.

Stolen somebodies partner?

Innocent.

Made yourself throw up?

Guilty.

Wanted to be someone else?

Guilty.

Every night, I continue a dream.The morning after, I continue reality. When once, my dream broke me, I stopped living my dream every night. The morning after, I woke up broken. Then, I stopped living reality in daylight. Consequently, I'm now continuing a dream in slippers, and recounting reality in bed..

The way I imagined it all everynight, the same it happens to me eveyday...Now I have proven, the power of my mind..