“I see now that the circumstances of one's birth are irrelevant. It is what you do with the gift of life that determines who you are.”


― Takeshi Shudo
Showing posts with label love. Show all posts
Showing posts with label love. Show all posts

Thursday, May 27, 2010

The Pumpkin Dream





To see a pumpkin in your dream implies openness and receptiveness to new ideas and experiences. A pumpkin is also symbolic of the female sexuality. Alternately, it may relate to the popular fairy tale of Cinderella where a carriage turns back into a pumpkin. In this regard, it may represent some situation in which time is running out.

The comfort room was indeed a comfort for my vanity and me. I went in and out of every restroom found in the campus as often as was possible. I looked through each wide mirror and saw myself, my make-up getting smudgy again. For numerous times I couldn’t even count, I retouched. I fixed my coif and outfit; sprayed my perfume excessively that I wrinkled my nose from the strong scent, to make sure it’ll linger in every corridor I walked. Then, I flashed my most alluring smile at the beautiful reflection.

As I walked through the hallway, a meddlesome pack of rowdy boys kept on making noise and hooting like wild monkeys.

“Woah, Nell’s coming!”

“Hurry, here she comes!”

“Sexy chick . . . Whew!”

“Yeah, dude!”

“Man, smells so sweet!”

I strut my walk, swayed my hips, my intoxicating fragrance oozing for them to inhale and bewilder their masculine imaginations. They followed me, intentionally bumping into each other, though pretending otherwise as if our meeting was just mere coincidence. However, my vanity and I knows better. I flirted like a butterfly finding its mate. Instinctively, my Pheromones were enough to entice these sexual swarms into the cavities of my hive, or were I the one victimized by circumstances?

After school hours, I waited for Uncle Ton to fetch me. On his motor scooter, we rode the streets, and again, by some unfortunate turn of events, I encountered the jeering rascals I have mentioned before.

“Nell!”

It was my cousin Claire, who called. She was with those raucous men. I didn’t know she’s acquainted with the monkeys. It’s kinda weird, but from this distance, I think I heard someone from the group asked her, “Is she already married? That her husband?”

Pish. Do I look like a jade to them already? They’re unbelievable—considering how pretty I look! Of course, I’m not ashamed to say that in the least. It is a fact.

“No! That’s not her husband, it’s our Uncle.”

Uncle Ton dropped me then and there. Claire approached me, and following her was a man I fairly recognized.

“Nell, this is Klein. “

“Oh, hi!” I remember him way back in college. He was Claire’s classmate and was 3 years my senior.

“He wants to talk with you. Something he needs to tell you.”

By that, Klein shyly smiled, but still managed to look at me straight in the eyes with rather sincere intentions. We led ourselves into an amusement park. By the entrance was my mother. She was smiling as if knowing who Klein was and his purpose with me, though they haven’t even met yet. Throughout the time we were with Claire, she nagged Klein nonstop to tell me whatever it was he needed to tell me.

“Not now, we’ll save it later.”

Ah! He wanted to speak with me in private, which I found very flattering—a man saving his words just for me—and only for me!

“Woah! Pumpkin trees?!” I was totally amazed when we passed by a row of Pumpkin trees.

“Looks like it, and real Pumpkin trees, I guess,” he was amazed just the same.

“Oh My! Klein, the pumpkins have faces!” I pointed at the huge trees with large orange gourds hanging on each bough.

“Hah! Like Jack-O-Lanterns . . . Aww! What the—”

Before I could turn to him, a hard thing hit me, “Ouch!” To my astonishment, the Pumpkins were hurling themselves at Klein and me.

“Ow! Don’t worry, Nell! I can handle these feisty Jack-O-Lanterns! Hehe,” he smiled at the possible heroic deed. Whilst Klein was trying to protect me by willingly catching every Pumpkin that fell, I did my best to avoid them. I didn’t need to bother myself of catching those crazy bigger-than-my-head Jack-O-Lanterns. As the hurling Pumpkins took pleasure in exhausting our energies, both of us enjoyed the magical weirdness of that afternoon.

A certain game at the amusement park caught my cousin’s attention. She busied herself together with the gamekeeper, and whatever the game was, I had no idea.

Klein grinned. We felt a surge of hope and excitement. We couldn’t wait to flee from my cousin’s company and finally have our lone time together.

“Claire, Nell and I’ll be strolling around. Are you coming with us?”

“I’m okay here . . . I’ll see you two later.”

“So, shall we go?”

I nodded in accord. We were in a merry mood, everything felt warm, light and carefree. Neither of us was too frugal of smiles and laughs—a cheerful pair of youth. Later, we stopped by an area for restaurants, UK’s, cafes, souvenir shops, and other business stalls. We found a nice cafĂ© to have some snack, and on a small roundtable for two, we sat facing each other.

“You’re really funny, Nell. You never change.”

“Funny or crazy?”

“A doze of both, maybe.”

I laughed, “Or too much of the latter?” I puckered and puffed my cheeks like a fish.

“That’s cute, Nelly.”

“Ooh, you find being crazy cute, eh? That’s dangerous. Tsk tsk!”

“Why’s that?”

“You’re risking yourself to the hazard of a potential contagion.”

He raised an eyebrow.

“You might get it, too, you know.”

Klein laughed at my childlike logic. “I trained once in a psychiatric ward, Nell. Obviously, I’m still sane, am I not?”

“I’m not your typical psycho patient, sir.”

“Of course, you’re not. Actually, you’re—should I say worse? Or better?”

I frowned.

“You’re waaaay better. They’re not as pretty, as smart and as funny as you.”

I beamed. He winked at the reaction.

“But . . .”

Now, I glowered, “Yes?”

“But . . . you’re worse in a special way.”

I tossed my head on the side.

“Your craziness gets me hooked, and I feel like I would want to bear with you for the rest of the day.”

“Oh, talks,” I beamed again.

“I’m being honest here, I’m not just flattering you.”

“Ha-ha! I appreciate the compliment, sir . . . So, how’s life by the way?”

“I’m working in a hospital in the city. A little busy, and I’m doing night shift lately. I’m fine with my current job, but not as fun as being in school.”

“That’s also why I’m still stuck with our dear Alma Mater . . . can’t get enough of Mr. President, FMS, you see.”

He chuckled, “Mr. President, FMS, huh? Have you been rummaging his office lately?”

“Oh. No! I wouldn’t ever dare do that! I’m only a Hallway Celebrity!” I posed for an imaginary photo shoot.

“Ha-ha! I can still remember you were that bubbly, charming young woman at school, either always deep in lively conversations with people, or running through the hallways greeting and waving at familiar faces—or whomever you encounter.”

“Weh? That’s a lie! Was I that disruptive to classes?”

He chuckled, “You were quite amusing.”

“What can I do, maybe I’ll always be a child.”

“A child at heart, huh? Very adorable.”

“Oh, is that so?”

“Aye, Nell . . . and that’s why I like you.”

I went speechless. Stunned, I stared at him in disbelief.

“I have always liked you, Nell.”

A little smile curved my lips. “Klein!” in vain, I tried to deny what I’ve just heard.

“I find you pretty and very interesting.”

“You do?” I asked half-pleased, half-mockingly.

He nodded, “I do. Nell, and I want to know you better.”

To know me better. What good is there to know about me? He is sincerely asking for it. I now he sees something in me I never saw myself, and of which I always feared to discover.

“. . . and how it is to be with your company.”

I could only smile.


“People say that love is in the air. Until now, I’m still breathing. Yet I’m still single.” Sighs.

The beautiful face in the mirror looked weary. Her eyes may be in colorful shades, her full red lips parted, her cheeks rouged to blush like a shy little girl of seven, but the hollows of her eyes defied the theatrical appearance she tried to portray.

“Maybe they’ll look good in violet contacts. I should get a pair one day.”

Vanity and I left our “comfort” room and made our way to the busy hallway, my Halliwood Walk of Fame, as what I personally call it.

“Nell Honey!”

“Honey Bee! I missed you so much!” we kissed each other’s cheeks. Her name’s Beryl, my beautiful and ever loyal bff. Our friendship started during our first year in college, we were classmates and we never expected we’d be this close after just a year. I was the playful youth, and she was the mother-like nymph. If I was Vanity, she was Lust. If I was Avarice, she was Gluttony. The two of us, I would call “The Sin Sisters”. We shared the same values in life: to be beautiful, to be desired, to own, to indulge. But Honey Bee was better a sinner than me, I the worst. In reality, she is always better, and I accept it though bitterly because I know a credible and honest witness to our comparison. The Great Mirror who, like the witch in Snow White, shows to me who truly the fairest is.

I loved Beryl, too much than to stain our friendship with my vulnerability. She understands me when I couldn’t understand myself, and she accepted me despite and in spite of my demented mental state.

“The other girls are in the garden, they miss you!” she held my hands and led me to where our friends are. As was usual, we had our bonding session in the garden; sharing about the latest news on our daily romances, family issues, beauty secrets, and all those juicy gossips about other people.

“He asked me out! How about you, Nell?’

“Huh, me? Duh, I’d rather be with you guys, than be with them guys!”

“That’s sweet Nelly Honey!”

“Of course Honey Bee. My friends always come first.”

In my head, I recited my favorite friendship lyric:

My Friends comes first. yes, they could still be life's worst.

We would laugh, play silly stuff

But, when my girlfriends get played, I'm gonna slit the player's throat.

When my boyfriends get dumped, I'm gonna run trim out her lashes.

Men won't have me better than my friends,

they are no good, compared to my bestfriends.

Boy, you may have me, but, when worse comes to worst,

My friends comes first!!!

“When was the last time you had a boyfriend?”

“Three years ago? Uh—no, I never had one. I never considered those past fling partners to be my boyfriends.”

“But you called them boyfriends, anyway?”

“Fling partners they better be called.”

“You don’t have any plans of looking for a new one soon?”

Darn. I always have. What a stupid question.

“You see, Nell prefers one-night stands and multiple partners.”

“Ha-ha. You got me there, Joan.”

“Better be careful, Nell Honey.”

“Oh, yeah, I never forgot. Don’t worry Beryl. Ha-ha!”

“Why what’s that?”

“For everybody’s knowledge, Nell has a Pledge of Purity. Right, Nell Honey?”

I grinned.

“Wow, we didn’t know staying virgin’s still in. ‘till when d’you intend to keep it, then?”

”Until her 20th birthday.”

They all guffawed at the idea. How can I blame them? They’re all too stupid not to understand the importance of the pledge. Pitiful, they’re already too stained that what they can only do is to mock my difference from them. Except Honey Bee. Though Beryl was one of those “experienced” young women, I never felt any disgust for her. Maybe because we’ve been friends for years now, or because of the fact that she only gives herself to a man she loves, no matter how many they had been. Thus, she earned my respect. Unlike me, I engaged myself to making out with strangers, shamelessly flirting with men and leaving them all hanging in the air at the end. And I thought I was acting the right way all along. I was wrong. I saw myself as something to be desired, to be used, to be eaten away by lust, like a host so to purge out love and affection from her parasites. Like the bloodsucking mosquitoes, who loved to feast on me—literally. Scientifically speaking, my delicious Pheromones and high level of estrogen were actually the culprits as to why the male species or the mosquitoes chose to devour me. Love. Lust. They go hand in hand don’t they? But, whichever, I want them both—fiercely.

“Gawd, you’re near!”

“Yeah, and I couldn’t wait!”

“Say that again, Nell! You think it’s that simple?”

“Hush, Beryl, I’m joking.”

“I thought you’re going to do it with a total stranger?” Joan was the one to ask.

“Yup, either that or—“

“She’ll do it with the man who loves her.” Beryl finished for me.

“But you don’t have a boyfriend.”

Ouch. You need not to say that.

“Don’t worry Nelly Honey. The right guy will come, maybe sooner than you expected.”

“I know Honey Bee. Anyway, I’m not the only one feeling bad of not finding my man yet. I’m sure he’s feeling just as bad as I am of not finding me soon either.”

“He absolutely is!”

I wonder if he really is getting impatient of not meeting me yet. Then, I also wonder if “he” really does exist for me.

“Excuse me.” I headed for the comfort room for another vanity check. I looked through each wide mirror and saw myself, my make-up getting smudgy again. For numerous times I couldn’t even count, I retouched. I fixed my coif and outfit; sprayed my perfume excessively that I wrinkled my nose from the strong scent, so to let it linger in the air as I pass by. Then, I flashed my most alluring smile at the beautiful reflection.

“People say that love is in the air. No wonder I’m suffocating, like inhaling carbon dioxide instead of oxygen. Maybe that’s why I’m still single, I have to experience love the other way around.”


Cinderella, Cinderella. Lucky you, you rode a beautiful carriage made of pumpkin, and still found your prince charming. Nelly, Nelly. Pumpkins are already hurling themselves at you, isn’t that demanding? Good thing he's there to catch those crazy Jack-O-Lanterns for you.

Bah! Fairy tale talks. I am already a woman in physique, yet a child still at heart...

And that’s why I like you, Nell.

I could only smile.

Thursday, September 17, 2009

Frozen In Bliss III: Neichzebnig



The faeries sang their sorrow,

The sirens played their fury,

The muses lamented their torment,

The pixies cried their grief.



The land of pleasure and majik, Neichzebnig!

For once it had been an enchanted kingdom of spirits,

Now grace has forsaken thee.

No more than a barren place of forlorn creatures,

No more of the colorful paths of floras to welcome me.

But violets still strive on such harsh enchanted earth,

For a tale of long ago still roam in eternal mystery:

The Grim’s love and the violets;



Vaalkvothura! The continent of great Lords and warriors!

From where The Grim was conceived,

Its soil from where The Grim was nurtured.

And the violets from the kingdom of Neichzebnig

With her greatest love a faerie once planted ‘em,

And with all her heart sent them to faraway places,

And with all her soul embraced each with beautiful memories.

The petals traveled through the invisible tunnels of Neichzebnig,

To the hollow sunken valley at Vaalkvothura’s edge.

There lived The Grim

In solitude,

In madness,

In nothing,

In darkness.



Love and death go together, it was said.

What of violets and The Grim in the tale?

What of love and death?

The tale of long ago of The Grim’s love and the violets,

Mysterious death of the lovely faerie of violets

And the mysterious love of The Grim.



I stand frozen on grassy lands.

At the center of the world here lies

Great power of will and pride.

So long had been my stay,

On so far I’ve come astray

Minds in shattered array

Of old memories and tales.

The Great Lord of Tundr my master,

Has called forth a war to beget peace.

What peace my Lord?

On to this land of wonder and bliss?

For heavens, should I not weep?

For death, should I not fear?

Does hearts of the living count not to the King?

I serve thee by heart, and by the crown hurt returned to me;

Torment crushes me for leaving paradise,

With rues I fled your palace.

My Lord’s beautiful face in wrinkling desperation,

I could not bear to see,

Not a sight of ebony locks

Or that hazel orbs that sees through souls.

Pardon me my dear Lord!

Thy crystal staircases I yearn no more

Or the Mangroves in the snowy alps of Tree Hills invites no more.

Thus swears to forget thy loves ardor!

I rest myself on my poet’s endearments,

Free me from pain and guilt of fleeting passion!

My Lord, my love, and what of you?

My poet, my man or my lover too?



In Neichzebnig my poet been,

Told me stories of the spirits’ plight

Gave me handful of violets in delight!

Ah, he silence me with whispers

With melodious tunes of lovely verses,

Like faeries and muses, sirens and pixies,

A male spirit of beauty lost in the majikal kingdom of Neichzebnig.

And I adore him.

And the owl by his side,

The lips that never cease with sweetest words,

Or caress mine in gentlest way.

My dear poet’s from somewhere he said,

My faith, such could be a lie!

Hear his music not so ordinary,

Flowers dance with him in glee;

For nothing and nowhere and no one alive,

In Vaalkvothura can compare to thee,

In enchanted Neichzebnig could you only be,

With spirits in the land of pleasure, majik, and beauty;

Neichzebnig, the most magnificent place mortal eyes could see.

.

.

.

.

.

Saturday, April 18, 2009

I Am A Cursed Creature








***
I am a cursed creature.
***
Eternity, I will be alive.
***
But death is my middle name, a soul in chain.
***
I bleed an endless flux.
***
My tears dried up for years.
***
But I still weep of a promised love unending.
***
Luck does not hear me.
***
Life has abandoned me forever.
***
I could only pray I would be stoned soon.
***
Smiles have left me.
***
I embraced hurt so much now that it doesn't feel
like hurt anymore.

***
It only felt now like a habit, involuntarily arising.
***
I am a cursed creature.
***
A detained spirit.
***
A poor soul in fated agony.
***

Monday, April 6, 2009

i'm easy to get but difficult to own

when i say i like you, it's not a guarantee that we can already start a relationship together..
when i say you're attractive and interesting, it doesn't mean that i would want to make up with you..
I am an inevitable person, I am changeable and I believe that I am indecisive.
If you want me, tell me straightly. It won't help keeping your motive from me, sooner I will know it. And no matter how you hide it, I don't care. There's no assurance you will get it anyway.
I control my life and my fate. Whatever choice I make, it's because I want to. If you think I'm playing, bet a million, and you'll sure to lose. But I'm not saying that I'm not a player, I am and I am not too.
I have a definite time when I can finally enter a relationship, and I won't tell you, why bother anyway? You lack patience, then that's fine, i won't go after you..
You intent to wait, then good for you..I'll repay that sometime, but it's not also a guarantee I'll end up with you.
But all I can promise is that if you can give me what I want, you will have me, totally..
I'm easy to get but difficult to own..
and..
If you can't handle me at my worst, you don't deserve me at my best...

Saturday, January 24, 2009

~Vanity Cheré~

I am by myself, sitting among the fragrant flowers. Sunny it was, but the wind was cool. Contrasting both like my red polka dot skirt and my green striped blouse. A wonderful day, a peaceful meditation, but the devil is always around to twist reality; and what should be straight he delights to be crooked.
~
"Then, a gentle wind brushed to my nape.
I heard it hushed a word, unclear, droning together
with the buzzing of the bees.
I am hoarse, I am in worse;
But it hushed to still me, it kills me."
~
"A moment has passed, and I am still dead;
The bees are near me, hoping for a sting;
Sting me, sting me, poison me to bed,
Oh dear me! I rest sedated, my mind chaotic."
~
"I would feel the cottony cushion of passion
I would savor the tasty juice of temptation
I would delight to the prick of a thorny rose
I would meet my destruction, a pathetic toast."
~
"No, I do not revel in pleasure!
Nor would I desire such measure;
Things banish from existence, it will never remain for long;
It does not tarry inside a soul, tho you might believe otherwise.
If it does, tell me so!
And let me tell you the tale of a flame:
Little fiery flame appeared an instant,
With long and hardy candle for support,
But, he too, would melt and abandon fiery flame.
It might not be soon, even so,
Airy wind is somewhere, to blow away his flame."
~
"If it's pleasure you want, consider a whore
A wanton lady would fill you in during the night,
With whispers of indecency and lust for flesh
Take me as one, and I'll swear these to you no less.
I am no flower, I am no sweet;
This in me a dark chocolate and a sour treat."
~
Why put me to inquisition?
A hope for me to lie truth is vain.
I do not need beautifully wrapped presents, soft pillows to lie at sleep;
I would rather take a worn-out trash, a piece of wood to rest my head;
If it comes from you,
I trust not your wonders but those women might inside of men so dread."
~
I am fated, so never come near me. If it is to poison me then I welcome you. But if it is to heal me and leave me unattended, better pray for me benumbed. To revive me with a flux of elixir, from a mortal heart's sinful sensation, is to live in abaddon. An excruciating punishment to leash myself to, worst than to be left in seclusion inside a frozen temple, birth till death.
~
Delighted, the devil left again. the crook, the twisted, but my sedated mind still lingers on a peaceful conflict with bitter pleasures and deadly wonders.
...
..
.

Thursday, January 22, 2009

dAnNy's SoNg

I'd like to share this song to everybody....This is my favorite song..I first heard this song last year in the car on my way ome from school...Finally, I found it in the net and finally I knew the real title and the artist! Just this day.......I'm so happy.....This is Danny's Song sung by Kenny Loggins...
..
..
..
..
People smile and tell me I'm the lucky one,And we've only just begun.
Think I'm gonna have a son.
He will be like she and me, as free as a dove,Conceived in love.
Sun is gonna shine above.
^^^
And even though we ain't got money,I'm so in love with you, honey,
And everything will bring a chain of love.
And in the morning, when I rise,You bring a tear of joy to my eyes
And tell me everything is gonna be alright.
^^^
Seems as though, a month ago, I was Beta-Chi,Never got high.
Oh, I was a sorry guy.
And now, I smile and face the girl that shares my name.
Now I'm through with the game.This boy will never be the same.
^^^
And even though we ain't got money,I'm so in love with you, honey,
And everything will bring a chain of love.
And in the morning, when I rise,You bring a tear of joy to my eyes
And tell me everything is gonna be alright.
^^^
Pisces, Virgo rising is a very good sign,Strong and kind,
And the little boy is mine.
Now I see a family where the once was none.Now we've just begun.
Yeah, we're gonna fly to the sun.
^^^
And even though we ain't got money,I'm so in love with you, honey,
And everything will bring a chain of love.
And in the morning, when I rise,You bring a tear of joy to my eyes
And tell me everything is gonna be alright.
^^^
Love the girl who holds the world in a paper cup.Drink it up.
Love her and she'll bring you luck.
And if you find she helps your mind, better take her home.
Don't you live alone.Try to earn what lovers own.
^^^
And even though we ain't got money,I'm so in love with you, honey,
And everything will bring a chain of love.
And in the morning, when I rise,You bring a tear of joy to my eyes
And tell me everything is gonna be alright.
...
...
...

Saturday, January 17, 2009

Leave if Ye wish

Leave if ye wish, I will not hinder ye;
Be gone if ye fancy all such grace brought to yer knee;
I lost not sight only but feelings might be,
To leave me cower'd, breathless of yer stand;
And pray tell, my man, of grace and glee
How swell is yer flight, fare well homeland!

No mouth nor tongue may twist with gentleness
Of words from a lady whom adores ye no less;
Ye hath boast'd ye'r a May of erudition,
To ken such wit of ye, need not delve to reason.
Peace in ye, appearance that to Him dost owe;
Beauty in ye, shall Dionysius wrath be fall in tow,
Strength in ye, hath shaketh the prowess in me;
Behold, I shall forget not the mem'rie,
Nay, verily recount til soul leaveth mine body.

Lasting passion for ye, good bye 'tis not the word,
Away! to the mystery of the morrow;
Whilst I ken hows't to hear the Lord,
I can nay be gay to bid mine fare well to sorrow!

Sunday, December 21, 2008

HavOc wiThiN

This is the worst topic I could ever write about at this point of my life..

It's like all the time, I get to like somebody..and for those moments, I thought I was in love, but the truth is, I wasn't.. and until such times that I could finally bear in my mind that I am so different from the common people, the average girls of my age, and females alike..I don't think I'm ever capable of loving and to be loved. I don't think I'm ever capable of showing my real feelings to somebody, and worst, I don't think I'm ever capable to be normal..

I've been alive in this universe for 18 calendar years already, but am I matured enough to handle this lack inside me? this yearning inside me?

Or am I matured enough to finally say now that I'm inlove with someone ?? I couldn't foresee when will I again tell myself that I am not and never have been in love..And I do hope that I might realize it someday.

I could never afford to lose again my sanity into something wonderful yet deceiving.. I will not let myself fall hopelessly into a hole of emptiness caused by lies and unrequited love..

This is not my fate..
and if ever I also deserve somebody to show to me a world totally different from the one I confined myself into, then, the heavens must be on my side! they must have felt humanly pity and mercy upon me..

I need more clarity, I need to see more thoroughly to my intentions,to have a better perception on things regarding this Havoc they call Love..

Saturday, August 9, 2008

He was that guy!! I swear t'was Him!

I was so different back then...
I never thought this would ever happen to me...
I toLd mahseLf many times 'twas a big joke...
But, it never was...
It was reaL...
The pain was reaL...
I was happy somehow...
StiLL, it hurts...
But not now...
Not now that it's time to move on...
I met this guy 3 years ago...and he was never mah type...he had a Long hair, he was dark, and he seLdom takes his bath...stinks,right? but, he did that because he was inspired by another artist who doesn't takes his bath...wow...
He was an artist...a painter, and i Loved that! I admired his passion for the arts...He was so cooL...reaLLy cooL!
It was during those days when me and mah friends are going home and i aLways see him at their house...He wouLd aLways turn his head and stare at us each time we pass by their pLace...we aLways had that oh so reaL eye contacts....there was this deep intensity in his gaze...it feLt so good...I was magnetized...i couLdn't even breath...and right at that moment...i feLt my body meLting...my souL wandering through the abyss of the moment...sparks fLy and then i knew i was faLLing for him...
he was 12 years my senior...but it didn't matter to me...i want to be with him if onLy i had the chance...not too Long after, it was Lost though...that chance was aLready Lost now...He Loved somebody eLse and I was aLways just right there at his back...waiting and hoping he might soon notice me...But it was fooLish...i know...But, you may say i'm a fooL...I don't care...
In those times, you may teLL me to quit that nonsense, and I won't...coz you see...
somehow...that nonsense makes sense to me...
It was a hidden Love...i wish I shouLd have toLd him 'bout it...coz Like what they said...the most painfuL thing 'bout hidden Love, is that it never fades away...
maybe there was stiLL a very LittLe part in me that hopes for a future with him...But, I don't need him anymore...I don't need him to be on my mind anymore...Yes, he was the first man that I knew I Loved deepLy...But he'LL never be mah Last...God forbid that he'LL be....
He was just there onLy to teach me...not to Love me...
And for that, i thank him...he changed mah Life...because of him...I Learned to wait, to hope, to be patient, to Love, and to appreciate hurts and dissapointments...
I guess...he missed a very wonderfuL opportunity...But i wish him Luck in his Life...
Am gonna start a new journey...am gonna waLk the unorthodoxed raod...I wiLL then Leave a track for those who have gone astray...They'LL waLk that path where i Left mah footprints from a very tragic to a wonderfuL understanding in love and in Life...

Ta,
The Goddess