The Cloudwatchers

He’s gone.

I keep repeating to myself the painful truth that my best buddy will never be able to sit with me for another guy talk that last for a whole day—ever again. It upsets me that he haven’t sent me mails or made a call since last year. But, just a week ago, I had—what I never thought would be—the last chance to meet him. I saw Lawrence, at the early age of twenty-two, cold and lifeless—on his funeral.

I walk along the pavement of the town plaza like a zombie—without spirit—without emotion, while munching peanuts and having deep thoughts.

It didn’t bother me if people see me like this and think I’m crazy. Anyway, they don’t have any idea what happened to me or the pain and sadness I am into now for losing a good friend.

What I need to know now is: why did they leave this early? And for what purpose do God intend for also ending his life? I sit myself on a wooden bench, look up at the puffy clouds, and search for the stupid answers.

“Look! There’s a nice spot!”

We all looked at Jasmine’s direction. She was pointing to a huge boulder of rock at the other side of the hill. We all beamed. We finally found our “new territory”. The five of us—Esther, Jasmine, Kirk, Lawrence and I, sat on the grass beside the boulder. Then, everybody fell silent . . . they were, like me, gazing at the clouds—hypnotized by its leisurely movement.

“Whoa! An angel!” Esther exclaimed when she noticed a clump of clouds formed into a figure.

“No, it’s a phoenix, stupid,” said Kirk.

“Hey, it’s changing into a—a warrior with a sword and . . . a shield! You see, his wings transformed into them!”

“Over there guys! It’s a huge hand with one elongated finger!” Esther said again.

“Yeah . . . it’s pointed at the warrior.”

We spent the whole afternoon just watching and making up stories out of the figures of the clouds. The following day we met at the same spot, and again watched the clouds. Then, every day we did the same.

It was until one afternoon when our group of five was lessen by one. Esther didn’t come to our new territory, and the next, then the next. We became worried at the same time curious. What could have happened to her? So, we decided to visit her home and found out that she had accidentally cut her pinky with a knife while slicing onions. She was too embarrassed to see us that even after persuading her to come play with us again, she wouldn’t. However, after days of pressing her, she finally did.

As always, we watched the clouds, drew figures and made up stories. This time, we gave a solo time for each to tell his own story, with no interruptions supposed to be, but I guess we’ll never change. Ha-ha. The first was Lawrence, pointing to the sky, he began, “hmm . . . Once, there was a huuuge spaceship! And suddenly it came across a horrible alien monster!”

“Hahaha . . . That doesn’t resemble an alien monster . . .”

“Shut up Esther, it does for me ok? Anyway, here’s the story: the spaceship came from a faaaraway planet looking for a nice place to land and rest. But, on their way, a gigantic scary-looking alien monster in a form of . . . an asteroid—teehee, the cloud’s transforming, you see—and they shoot at him!—wait . . . the spaceship’s disintegrating—oh! The monster was too powerful that he crushed the spaceship in just one blow . . . then BANG! End . . .”

“Nah, poor story . . . now here’s mine. Listen,” it was Jasmine. Before she began, she smiled and winked at me. “Look at the clump of clouds just above Lawrence’ poor spaceship. Can you see a—cake? That cake is a very magical pastry, don’t you know? It never runs out . . . And it tastes sooo yummy that you can live forever with just only that! There are chocolates, candies, marshmallows, butter, cookies, jellies, and blah blah toppings and fillings. The icing’s very creamy, too . . .”

I looked at her ogling round eyes as she spoke with passion. I felt pity for her because it had always been her wish to have a beautiful cake on her birthdays, but she had quite the contrary. Even after she spoke, she looked so sad.

Then Kirk interrupted with his usual unusual stories, “Ahem . . . Ladies and gents, I welcome you to another story of the Silly Mango Vendor of Purok 2-A. It was after a hard day’s work in the market selling green mangoes. He packed all his stuff, including his cell phone and pushed his cart home. While he was walking, a fast car nearly ran his tattered cart—”

“W-w-wait . . . can you please point to us the clump of clouds your making your story about?”

“Oh . . . yeah—well . . . alright! I’ll change it! It’s about that cloud—looking like a sheep . . . so now, the sheep loved to dance—and oh—he dances Wowowee’s hits and he wanted to be a real man and to live in the city. So, one day he went to the city and shaved off his wool. Guess what happened next? He wore a poodle-hair wig! He joined Wowowee and went on meee-meee-meee all the way ‘till he died of a cold!”

Next was Esther. She made up a story of the three figures in the sky. There were two taller figures and between them was something smaller. The three were connected by thin wisps of clouds on their middle. Esther interpreted them a family. The clouds looked like they were dancing so she said that they were very happy. “But, one day, the father left his family. He said he’ll buy pizza but he never came back . . .”

“Did he die?”

“Hmm . . . maybe . . .”

“No way, he just bought some pizza; he might be taken by the pizza goblins or that sort of weird stuffs . . .”

“It’s your turn now.” They all looked at me. Mine was nothing cool or exciting, I’m really bad at story-telling and interpretations. It was just about a dog missing and finding his loving owner after losing his way in the streets.

And it was all just memories. Unmoving, I blankly stare at the clouds. Where could they be now? It had been years since we saw each other—the complete five—six years before Esther doomed herself by straying through worldly pleasures of sin. How could we, her only friends, have abandoned her at those times when we knew of her parents’ separation? Then, it was Kirk who made a scandal in college by allegedly beating a teacher out of anger. But, I believe that the teacher does deserve it. To quote Kirk’s description of that teacher, “he’s a screwed up demon hog, and he’s too bald, smelly, stingy, and foul for a professional.”

Aside from that scandal several years ago, I never heard of anything else from him until now. Once, a rumor reached me. He strangely dropped out of college and left the town. He was heard laughing and whistling noisily in the streets one evening, disturbing the sleeping neighbors, and throwing stones at the gates of some houses. He was merrily telling everybody that he’s leaving that forlorn town, that he was on his way to find a big profit business, and buy a luxurious doghouse for his pit-bull and find a six-foot tall international model for a wife.

Another rumor says he was stabbed to death in a brawl one evening in another town. He was exchanging sarcastic jokes with a hot-tempered man in a bar, which later ended into a bloody fight. If the rumors were true, that leaves me, Lawrence and Jasmine in our supposed-to-be five-man friendship.

One year ago, after Lawrence get to board on plane, I lost contact with him the next few months. And just this year, his hopes of piloting a plane died with him on a crash. And Jasmine? She went to work abroad two years ago. I’m hoping she stays safe. I’m glad she frequently emails me, that’s how I get to know her status every now and then. She promised to go home this December; I’m looking forward to it.

“You’re all red Jasmine!” they teased her.

“I’m not!”

“What did you see in the clouds? C’mon tell us!”

She glanced at me briefly, and then looked down. What’s with her? She was about to tell her story when she grimaced and blushed so red and wouldn’t continue. We all looked puzzled, that we gazed to the clouds and tried to find what made her uneasy. From east to west, west to east, south to north, and north to south I glanced. Then, something caught my sight. Something you can never see by scanning each and every clump or wisp of cloud. You had to look at the vast sky as a whole, by then, you could see the two distinctive figures distractingly entwined to each other. They looked like giants, united, falling down to earth. Then, I understood why she blushed to that image. Haha . . .

“Nice image you drawn from the clouds! Interesting,” I said to her, flashing my most mischievous grin. Her eyes widened and she ran away.

When it was my turn to speak, I hesitated for it would be another boring story, plus I am still distracted by huge image of the clouds. The others never discovered what the both of us—Jasmine and I—saw that day. I laughed to myself, we had our secret.

Watching the clouds, I still can’t find the stupid answers. There’s no peanut left.

The clouds . . . the clouds . . . what’s with the clouds? We loved to watch it . . . we always watched it. And my friends, they’re all gone now—leaving me and Jasmine. This is crazy—no—that’s stupid! That’s not the answers I’m looking for. But . . . it seems it is . . . the stupid answer that I actually don’t want to take. . . I don’t know if I should believe such weird thing, but . . . was it God who formed those clouds those days? Then, ignorant and innocent as we were, made up stories from it which unknowingly was our—reality.

They died out of child’s play. We weaved our own fate, and the clouds were too cruel to deceive our innocent minds. Today, I still mourn of a great loss—my best bud Lawrence. Our circle of five is now reduced to two. But despite the ill-fate of our friendship, my boring life, and, though I can still read the subconscious ache of her discontented childhood, I am able to share my life with the woman I have always loved—my Jasmine.

Then again, I can’t help but let myself be taken away by the mystery of the clouds. Now, I get to see a piece of the whole picture. As the clouds move, divide, combine, disintegrate . . . we move with it. And the truth is—me, Jasmine, Lawrence, Kirk and Esther—we all live in the clouds. And despite the distance in place and time, we will always be never too far apart.

Finished

3:37 am

October 14, 2009

The Lotto Dealer

The bulb on the front door of the house flickered as it tried to light up the middle of the darkening streets. Inside, the television buzzed tirelessly and the dishes and steel clinked as they were being washed clean. The forty-six year old man of the house, Mr. Antonio Dimawili, sat comfortably with one leg elevated on the arm of his favorite couch in front of the television. The couch was moved out from its proper place and was now positioned too close to the TV set. Behind him on a long couch beside the front door sat his twenty-five year old son, Antony. The young man was holding a cell phone on one hand, but both of them were intently concentrating on the war-movie as it reached its climax.

There was a knock on the door. Both men jumped, looking distracted by the sudden interruption.

“Go get the door,” Antonio ordered, waving a hand which held the remote control.

Antony went to the door and turned the knob open.

“Good evening Tony,” a big-busted middle-aged woman greeted him.

“Good evening too, Nang Dorin.”

“Aba! Dorin, come in! Come in!” Antonio’s loud voice echoed inside the tiny town house. His body was now turned to the woman. Antony closed the door behind them when the woman was finally inside. Dorin sat beside the young man on the long couch. She pulled open the zipper of her belt-bag and took out a small notebook, a stub of Lotto receipts and a ball pen.

“Cory!” Antonio called for his daughter who was busy washing dishes in the kitchen.

“Yes Papang?!” she called back. Cory turned off the faucet and wiped her soaped-wet hands

with a clean towel hanging on the refrigerator’s handle. She fixed her shoulder-length hair,

pulled a lock at the back of her ear, and hurried to the living room.

“Yes Papang? What is it?”

“Where’s your Mamang?”

She didn’t answer yet when she saw Dorin sitting beside her older brother. She sighed and pouted her lips in disapproval. She gestured to their backyard, “. . . feeding the dogs outside.”

“Tell her Dorin’s here.”

She rolled her eyes, and scratched her neck, “Okay, Pang.”

Cory went outside to the backyard. She saw her mother pouring food into a worn out gallon-sized empty bucket of ice cream. Flanking her were two white spaniels, with grimy coats you would mistake these mutts as rags. Mrs. Thalia Dimawili's a couple of years younger than her husband. Her hair was tightly pinned into a bun, was slightly skinny, and had an angular and wearied face.

“Nang Dorin’s here, Mamang,” Cory sneered at the name when Thalia bent down quickly to get the empty bowl.

“Oh, Dorin! I almost forgot!” She handed the empty bowl to her daughter then spoke with a pressured tone, “bring this inside the house, dear . . . and don’t forget to lock the backdoor, okay?”

Thalia didn’t wait for a reply, and hurried inside the house. In the living room, Antonio and Dorin were talking about a constant player of Mahjong who just won eighty thousand pesos in the First-Two-Digit Lotto draw last week. Both turned their heads toward Thalia. Dorin spoke in excitement, “Taling, we were just talking about Fe Lamangan! Have you heard about the latest buzz on her?”

“Who? That shrewd Mahjong player at Maurine’s?”

“Yes! Well, I met her kumare while I was walking along Alunan Avenue this afternoon, and she told me that Fe Lamangan won the draw last week . . . Eighty thousand pesos,” Dorin leaned forward as she spoke.

Thalia covered her mouth, and her eyes widened, “No kidding! Eighty thousand?! What were

her numbers?”

“She wagered in the First-Two-Digit Lotto draw, 26 and 18 for two hundred pesos. Luckily, her numbers were drawn that day!”

“Wow, she’s indeed lucky, that gambler of a widow!”

“Hey, Taling, told’ya you should’ve wagered on 26,” Antonio butt in.

“The taga-suma gave me the numbers 06, and 23. The numbers were at least a bit closer to 26,” His wife replied. Her husband just snickered, still focused on the TV screen.

Dorin flipped a page of her lotto receipt stubs. Hastily, Thalia sat between Dorin and Antony. She said, “I think I’ll go with 15-41 and 02-37, thirty pesos for each, First-Two. And . . . 08 for fifty pesos, Last-Two.”

Antonio added, “11 and 14 for fifty pesos each, that’s for Last-Two-Digit draw.”

The Lotto dealer wrote down Antonio and Thalia’s numbers on one receipt.

“Okay, that’s all. Can I pay you tomorrow?” said Thalia.

“Uh—sure, but you still got a balance of two hundred fifty pesos, though— ”

“I’ll also pay you that tomorrow, don’t worry Dorin,” Thalia said, a little annoyed by the reminder of her debt. Dorin slid her things back inside her belt-bag, “I’ll just bring these in the Lotto outlet in KCC tomorrow. Well then, I’ll be going.”

Both of the women stood up, then Dorin bade them goodbye. Antonio turned to her and did the same. When she was finally gone, Thalia sat beside her son on the long couch. Cory came to join the rest of her family in the living room, and then told her mother she needed three hundred pesos to pay to a school organization tomorrow.

“Your Papang gave you five hundred pesos last week. Don’t tell me you spent them all?” Mrs. Dimawili said.

“Huh! That was really intended for that week only!” Cory argued. The men were just silent, still focused on the movie they’re watching.

“Listen Cory, I only have five hundred pesos left in my wallet, and I can give you three-fifths of it if you’d want a hunger strike for the next seven days.”

Cory groaned. “Fine. I understand that that big-busted parasite will be sucking your wallet again tomorrow . . . C’mon, when was the last time you ever won? Ten years ago?” she paused to heave a sigh, “Sweet dreams!” She turned away and went to her room. Mrs. Dimawili raised both hands and rolled her eyes in exasperation.

The movie was finally at its end, so Antonio spoke, “Ah, it’s finished. Shall we check what’s drawn in the Lotto tonight?” He changed the channel.

The lotto show has already started. Antonio and Thalia Dimawili were silent as they waited for the 45-ball jackpot draw to begin. Antony yawned beside her and started texting on his cell phone, then after a few boring minutes he went to his bedroom and slept. The jackpot draw was about to begin, where the winning First-Two-Digit and Last-Two-Digit numbers were based. Thalia rubbed her eyes and squinted as she focused on the TV. The balls were now being rambled, and then drawn one by one in respective order. 15—came the first ball.

Thalia gasped, it was hers! If her 41 would be drawn, she’d win almost fifteen thousand pesos. Another ball was drawn—the number . . . 13.

“No! That was so close!” Thalia exclaimed.

“Well, let’s see the Last-Two-Digit draw,” Antonio said.

They waited for the Last-Two-Digit ball to be drawn . . . And the last digit for today’s ramble lotto is . . . the number two-zero. None of their numbers were drawn. Thalia cocked her head back and groaned under her breath, “Ah! What a waste, Antonio! Such a waste I tell you!”

“It seems that luck’s not on our side tonight, Taling. We’ll try again . . . maybe tomorrow— ”

“My number will be drawn next time and we’ll get rich. We’ll start a business and get very rich!”

Antonio didn’t say anything but Thalia continued talking about how she’ll receive the big

amount of money if her numbers would be drawn in the Lotto next time, her future plans for her children and for themselves.

The next day, Dorin visited the Dimawili residence again. Thalia wagered, and this time with a bigger amount of money. Unfortunately, as always, her numbers were not drawn in the Lotto.

When she finally realized the amount her debts to the Lotto dealer had surmounted, she began to panic. She worried how she will be able to pay Dorin since she spent almost the family’s entire budget now. Her husband was dismissed from work a month ago, she couldn’t earn enough to pay for her debts and provide her family’s needs on her own. Thalia thought she couldn’t face Dorin now, she would hide and her family would help her.

“If Dorin ever comes again, tell her I’m out or I had an emergency or anything! Just don’t let her know I’m home, do you understand—both of you?” her teeth clenched in anxiety and fear as she spoke to her children.

The next time Dorin came, the children followed what their mother ordered, until the Lotto dealer was now trying to demand Thalia’s presence and that she should pay her debts.

“Where’s Taling your mother?! I know you’re hiding her somewhere! She has to pay her debts or I’ll call the police!”

“We don’t know Nang Dorin, she never returned since two weeks ago,” Antony lied.

The visits became more frequent, in the morning and in the afternoon, and the Dimawili residence would sometimes lock all their doors and never turned on their lights even at night to avoid people, especially Dorin. Thalia never left the house for the next two months, for fear of being caught by neighbors or worse, by the police.

One cold early morning, the backdoor of the house stood ajar, and the bulb flickered as it dwindled into darkness. The streets snoozed in silence, and only a sound of dripping water echoed within the tiny residence of Mr. Antonio Dimawili.

........................................This was written for a Creative Writing class (LIT 143) during the first semester of my fourth year in college.

Frozen In Bliss III: Neichzebnig

The faeries sang their sorrow,

The sirens played their fury,

The muses lamented their torment,

The pixies cried their grief.



The land of pleasure and majik, Neichzebnig!

For once it had been an enchanted kingdom of spirits,

Now grace has forsaken thee.

No more than a barren place of forlorn creatures,

No more of the colorful paths of floras to welcome me.

But violets still strive on such harsh enchanted earth,

For a tale of long ago still roam in eternal mystery:

The Grim’s love and the violets;



Vaalkvothura! The continent of great Lords and warriors!

From where The Grim was conceived,

Its soil from where The Grim was nurtured.

And the violets from the kingdom of Neichzebnig

With her greatest love a faerie once planted ‘em,

And with all her heart sent them to faraway places,

And with all her soul embraced each with beautiful memories.

The petals traveled through the invisible tunnels of Neichzebnig,

To the hollow sunken valley at Vaalkvothura’s edge.

There lived The Grim

In solitude,

In madness,

In nothing,

In darkness.



Love and death go together, it was said.

What of violets and The Grim in the tale?

What of love and death?

The tale of long ago of The Grim’s love and the violets,

Mysterious death of the lovely faerie of violets

And the mysterious love of The Grim.



I stand frozen on grassy lands.

At the center of the world here lies

Great power of will and pride.

So long had been my stay,

On so far I’ve come astray

Minds in shattered array

Of old memories and tales.

The Great Lord of Tundr my master,

Has called forth a war to beget peace.

What peace my Lord?

On to this land of wonder and bliss?

For heavens, should I not weep?

For death, should I not fear?

Does hearts of the living count not to the King?

I serve thee by heart, and by the crown hurt returned to me;

Torment crushes me for leaving paradise,

With rues I fled your palace.

My Lord’s beautiful face in wrinkling desperation,

I could not bear to see,

Not a sight of ebony locks

Or that hazel orbs that sees through souls.

Pardon me my dear Lord!

Thy crystal staircases I yearn no more

Or the Mangroves in the snowy alps of Tree Hills invites no more.

Thus swears to forget thy loves ardor!

I rest myself on my poet’s endearments,

Free me from pain and guilt of fleeting passion!

My Lord, my love, and what of you?

My poet, my man or my lover too?



In Neichzebnig my poet been,

Told me stories of the spirits’ plight

Gave me handful of violets in delight!

Ah, he silence me with whispers

With melodious tunes of lovely verses,

Like faeries and muses, sirens and pixies,

A male spirit of beauty lost in the majikal kingdom of Neichzebnig.

And I adore him.

And the owl by his side,

The lips that never cease with sweetest words,

Or caress mine in gentlest way.

My dear poet’s from somewhere he said,

My faith, such could be a lie!

Hear his music not so ordinary,

Flowers dance with him in glee;

For nothing and nowhere and no one alive,

In Vaalkvothura can compare to thee,

In enchanted Neichzebnig could you only be,

With spirits in the land of pleasure, majik, and beauty;

Neichzebnig, the most magnificent place mortal eyes could see.

.

.

.

.

.

--- I MUST BE FREE ---

...

Everything is fleeting.
Nothing always remains the same.
I hate to say this but I have to say good bye.
I need my space.
I need to see myself.
I need to be happy.
I need to live.
Time is ticking away.
I get older every second that passes.
I don't want to wallow in void and pain.
I'm a person.
I get tired.
I'm already jaded.
Be considerate and understanding.
If I don't need it anymore then let me be.
If I'm not happy anymore then set me free.
If nothing has meaning anymore then so be it.
At the last part both ends would still hurt.
Choices don't count.
Whether be it or be it not.
Decisions do no good when it suffices only one.
And thus both ends should benefit.
With either this or that.
I want this.
I want it gone.
Nothing will never change.
I or it have to change.
One way or another.
I have decided.
It's all said and done.
I must be free.




...

Frozen in Bliss II: Aruka

Hail! The Great Lord of Tundr!
Hail! No glory could be bought by harassing immodesty of men;
None is rightful of the crown of immortality,
Of wisdom,
Of bravery,
Of holiness, but He!


Music of the Lark, hear such melody;
Oh! Beauty of the dawn!
Do I ever need to listen to the footsteps of the Grim?
The Grim whose soul is black and shrouded by greed;
I could not reveal his despicable truth,
Nor I am able to voice his words;
In Damnation, he rightfully abide,
If truth be told, of contempt for him,
Perchance in purpose or slip of the tongue,
Oh to dreadful torment in perdition is your demise.
The Grim, the legend once told,
The Grim, the Great Warrior from Tundr fought from the Old.


Lo, from the land of the Faraway, sails Aruka the Empress;
The most fair of fairs, a light amidst darkness.
She rode the gigantic ocean dragon, the biggest of its kind,
No sword, no helmet, no shield, no armor;
But wore the finest silk the enchanted kingdom have never seen in time.


"My eyes are those of the eagle,
My fangs are those of the tiger,
But my spirit is that of the enchanted.
Hail me Queen!
Empress of the East!
No wonder will you owe me, your Queen;
I am a wonder by myself,
I can not be made envious, nor be impressed!
The Great Lord of Tundr,
The one who fought all tyrant?
The Lord who's named The Great Warrior from Tundr.
You are King, the Great Lord of Tundr.
I heard the nobleness the heavens have bestowed upon you;
But, pray tell, brave warrior, should I believe such farce?"


Aruka, the golden-eyed lady of the deep;
With followers from her empire of creatures from the deep
Marched along the trail of the enchanted land,
Glided along the invisible tunnel a-float the bed of violets.
The enchanted kingdom of Neichzebnig, a land of spirits
Called upon this beauty, to amaze The Grim.
The Grim who lived in fury, in avarice and in misery;
The evil who brought strife and discord
In the enchanted kingdom of the spirits.
Neichzebnig!
The land of pleasure and majik;
The refuge of faeries and muses,
Of lovely sirens and pixies.


The ground in eternal tremor.
The sky a blurring color.
The waters move in ever restless anger.
A war started in the ancients,
Reincarnated at a time of near absolute peace;
Chill! Frozen by fear!
Come forth the ending of the Gods' selfish game!
For fame, they pursued,
The Great Warriors of the continent of Vaalkvothura:
The Great Lord of Tundr!
Aruka, the Empress of the East!
And the soon coming,
Lohdar the Colossus!
Tjoqqu from the Ocean of Fire! and
The Lady of the Fifth, she, who's vested in the garden of Gyrwin!


With much honor and glory, I mention their names.
Tomorrow and yesterday shall they be remembered.
From this day on, the Gods will weep;
Of strength and courage, these warriors do keep
To vow to death victory and love,
To grieve bedlam, and swear mischief rightful to Hell!

GRAVITY

.
.
.
......A force of nature,
pull of heavenly bodies
in one energy.......
.
.
.

Travelogue: Tara! Go na! Part I

I finally bid my farewell to the second semester of school year 2008-2009! How devastated I was! The farewell reminded me that I'll now be spending my last year in college, not just goodbye to my dear alma mater despite my frequent complaints about tuition fee increases, terror teachers, and loads of requirements only to be passed on the same deadlines (But we always pass them an hour or several or a day or a week after the said deadline...hehehe), I'll also be kissing my dearest friends adieu later on!

Now here comes the Holy Week! Me and the people at home always anticipate this date! hahah! Not because of it's religious history, but because we see this a good chance to bond and welcome with enjoyment the incoming summer. For some consecutive summers already, we've been having a trip to places, like the beaches and resorts, parks, restaurants, farms and other amazing places.

Our destination this Summer of 2009 is Tarragona, Davao Oriental! It's actually a small town by the coast in the south-east part of mindanao (Philippines). Together with my kuya Toto, his wife ate Isay, their three kids Issa, Dani, and Gian, my nephews ate Kat, Aron, Joshua, my another sis-in-law ate Mylene and her kids JV, Levy, Yat-yat, and Lenard we travelled from my beloved hometown Tupi, South Cotabato to Davao City. We left just after the sunrise and took us four hous before reaching Davao City; we stayed for lunch at Mapayo's residence, ate Isay's home sweet home. We reached Tarragona in about four hours from Davao City proper. We were welcomed by delicious and excellent foods prepared by ate Isay's Tiya, where we will stay until easter sunday.

So here I am! The beach was actually privately owned by some of ate Isay's close relatives so we're free to bathe there anytime! hehehehe...And the beach was pretty cool and exciting! some kilometers away from the main house was a rocky beach with huge corals that looked like outgrown rocks creating tiny and larger pools within the ocean. The sea don't even smell of brine! I really loved the view, the sound of the waves, and the fresh wind blowing from the open pacific.

Lost, staring at the horizon, I shall return! And a drawing of my mama on the sand...wahahahaha!

The kids really enjoyed the Holy Week at Tarragona. None of them really showed hesitance in bathing in the wild beach, even if the waves were a feet or more bigger than them!

Kiddies up-close, Lenard and Jat-jat, eyes red and bulged because of the salty sea...

Ate Mylene attacked by the waves! Cover with coconut leaves!

We also had nightlife though we're in some kind of a remote area in the peaceful community of Davao Oriental. See below, we also made bonfires for two nights and had fun by the seashore. there was even a time when we decided to walk miles along the shore under a dark starless night sky! We passed by a nearby public cemetery which gave us goosebumps, wrapping us in icy cold fear and shivers. After reaching the other side of the island, we went back still intact and hurried when raindrops started to fall from the sable sky. Each one ran, leaving deep footprints before me. I didn't bother to hurry since I have with me a towel to cover my head. It was an unforgettable experience, walking alone under the night sky along the seashore. Waves crashing loud and roaring, the rain pouring heavy and the wind so strong pushing me against the way. For a moment, it felt dark and scary, I thought maybe it was just because of the heavy rain that blurred my eyesight as tiny figures vanish one by one from my view. Then, I realized I wasn't seeing anything else now but my own feet sinking deeply into the soft black carpet. There was no light in sight, the town had a black out! Creepy things started to appear in my mind, like a ghost or a monster would come dragging me to his lair and rip my skin and crunch my head, devouring my whole body. Or maybe a beautiful and sexy man would abduct me, put me in his bangka and bring me to his nice little hut in another island and he would make love to me throughout the night...nahhh...maybe that would be an alien or a syokoy disguised as a handsome human male specie...hahahaha...

There! I saw something flicker from a distant. The sight of it relieved me, as if hope was then taken from me and now coming back like it heard me calling it's name.thank God we made a bonfire! Finally, it helped me find the correct place, or I may be truly lost in that unfamiliar area, wandering aimlessly in the darkness! Whew..so I'm finally back home...that simple experience strengthen my hope to survive and believe in life. Just continue walking, even in darkness, just believe and don't lose your trust.

Bonfire at night by the beach. From left to right: Aaron Byrne, Maria Isabella, Kinjie, and Ate Mylene.

Me and ate Kat...

I'll be posting for the Part 2 of this travelogue "Tara! Go na!" soon...hehehe..

Ciao for now!..........

Isang Piso, Isang Libo

Nakakapagod magsulat at tinatamad na akong gamitin and salitang ingles. Wala akong balak maging isang manunulat at ni minsan hindi ko binalak na maging isa. Pero may isa akong pangarap na kahit anong daan man ang nilakad ko, saan man ako dalhin ng buhay, sino man ang makilala ko, at anu man ang mangyari sa 'kin, iisa at natatangi ang patutunguhan ng alin man sa mga desisyon ko. Ayun ay ang pangarap kong maging pinakamagaling na cartoonist sa buong mundo, na kung isalin ko sa ingles, na madalas mong makikita na nakasulat o nakadikit sa aking mga gamit: "The Greatest Cartoonist in The World". Masasabi mong ang taas-taas ng aking pinapangarap, kung iyong iisipin, maaaring imposible ring mangyari. Malakas man ang loob ko, tawagin mo man akong makapal ang mukha at walang hiyang magsabi na magaling ako, wala kang pakialam. Ano ba ang alam mo sa akin? Ang pangalan ko? Ang tirahan ko? Ang edad ko? Ano ngayon? Wala ka paring pakialam dahil hindi mo ako lubusang kilala. Siguro kailangan mo pa akong paembistigahan, pwede mo ring lapitan ang isang manghuhula, pero baka naman ikaw'y lolokohin din lang. Kaya mas makakabuti siguro ay hayaan mo nalang akong managinip nang nakapikit o nakadilat, kahit madalas eh gising na gising na nakatunganga sa ulap. Alam mo ba, ipinagmamalaki ko na puno ako ng pangarap, kahit ang laki at mukhang imposible, klaro naman at matayog. Eh ikaw, may pangarap ka ba sa buhay? Hindi mo ba alam na ang dami din diyan na walang kamalay-malay kung ano ba talaga ang papel nila sa mundo. Walang ka ideya-ideya sa kung ano man ang talagang gusto nilang mangyari sa kanilang buhay. Sa madaling salita, mga taong hindi alam ano ba ang pangarap nila. Nakakalungkot ang sitwasyong ito:

.

A: "Alam mo B, may pangarap ako!"

B: "Ano yon A?"

A: "Pangarap kong maging isang sikat na ballerina balang araw!"

B: "Wow...Talaga A? Ang ganda naman ng pangarap mo..Sigurado akon makakamit mo yan, magaling ka naman kasi eh.."

A: "Hehehe...hindi naman sa ganoon. Eh ikaw?"

B: "Ha? Ako?"

A: "Oo..Anong pangarap mo?"

B: "Pangarap ko? Uhhmm....Teka, iisipin ko pa.."

A: "Madami ka bang pangarap? At napapaisip ka pa?"

B: "Hindi. Ang totoo niyan, wala akong maisip na talagang pangarap ko. Ang ibig kong sabihin parang hindi ko alam kung ano talagang gusto ko. Oo, madami akong gusto pero hindi katulad ng sa iyo. Nakakainggit ka nga eh at mayroon ka talagang natatanging pangarap, yung talagang gustong gusto mo. Sana ako rin."

.

Kung lahat tayo ay may sariling pangarap, bakit merong iba na napapaisip pa pagtinanong kung ano ang pangarap nila? Hindi ba mahalaga ang ating mga ninanais? Kung nag-aalala ka na baka hindi matutupad o sa tingin mo'y hindi mo makakayang abutin ang mga ambisyon mo sa buhay, nagkakamali ka! Ang lahat ng nagtatagumpay ay hindi aksidente, hindi produkto ng kapalaran at ng sitwasyon. Sila ay produkto ng hinubog nilang imahe sa kanilang sarili. Ang tagumpay ay nagsisimula sa isang munting pangarap, sinundan ng positibong aksyon, ginawa ng matinding pagpupursige at pasensya, at pinatibay ng malakas na paniniwala at dedikasyon.
At tandaan mo, HINDI MABUBUO ANG ISANG LIBO KUNG WALA NI ISANG PISO.
.
Tao din sila, katulad mo, katulad ko. Anong pinagkaiba? Nasa unahan sila, ikaw'y nasa hulihan pa..
.
Kung tingin mo'y kaya mo, gawin mo...

sCribbLes

"Leave your past into oblivion...Surrender your hopes to the wind...Live life in the moment as if heaven is on earth..."

-kiyuki meili chizuko

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"Today, I chose to do what I can. And I can do anything!"

-kiyuki meili chizuko

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"Do not regret the things that once made you happy."

-kiyuki meili chizuko

'

..pApa, Im a GoOd gUrL..

Oh father, see me living free,

Oh mother, please stay away from me?

Oh sister, won't you stop talking please?

Oh Jesus, you f***** Jesus,

Why won't you help me?

Oh father, you know how I love you,

Oh mother, you know how I hate you,

Oh sister, you know how I despise you,

Oh Jesus, f*** your mother Mary.

+

I'm consumed in my own world.

Every hour seems like endless years and all I hear is how they would laugh at me when I try.

I am so miserable without no one to turn to, no one to cry on, felt so numb inside.

I blame it all to those who ruined me for eternity, took away the love, gone without sanity.

Couldn't even remember how it all begun, my hatred...when will it disappear?

Then, there was a flash of memories.

And I saw my father looking at me with those eyes, it made me cry, made me want to die.

It was filled with pain.

I knew I disappointed him.

But I promise I wanted to make him proud.

Someday, somehow...I wish I could...But sorry, I wasn't strong enough.

+

Oh father, see me living free,

Oh mother, please stay away from me?

Oh sister, would you stop talking please?

Oh Jesus, you f***** Jesus,

You call your self a savior

So why won't you help me?

+

It made me think what's wrong with all the people around,

All the things that are happening, oh, why so confusing?

I'm tired of pretending like I'm ok.

God knows it's killing me

+

She never stop on telling me what to do, what's right. Oh mother, I just can't, you see..

She never pause on criticizing me, blaming me like it was a huge crime. Oh sist just shut up..

+

I'm crying out loud for peace and love in this world,

When I heard them laughing hard at me.
i'd love to hit them and slap them without my father knowing.

I'd love to see their pale faces as I stare and grin my teeth at them.

Would they be happy, angry or sad?

Somebody, tell me.

See, mom I'm tired of your acting, my sis criticizing.

Don't tel me I'm bad and to blame when it wasn't my fault, it never was...I can't leave coz anyhow, some people are still there to make me smile.

I want to prove to him, there's still a way.

+

If you think I got nowhere to go, F*** I always have.

See, none of you can stop me...Now, don't tell me you're so much better.

Sorry, but believe me, I'd feel wonderful if the both of you disappear.

Hear my prayer, God...prayer of a sinful one..

+

Oh father, I'm sorry for all I've done.

Oh mother, please cry infront of me.

Oh sister, go burn in hell, I pray.

I hear angels talking about me from up above.

They say I'm bad, and I'm to blame.

I hear devils whispering down from hell.

Saying, good girl, now come and have some fun..

+

"Kono Sekai"

I
Boku wa kimi no zutto
Itsu made mo ni kara
Boku wa kimi ai suru, kite to mite
Yume wa yoi de no ka
Itsu made watashi ga ikiteiru no suguni ikinokoru
'
II.
Kono sekai ii da ne?
Shiroi toshite hana no
Kono sekai doko ni, doko ni hashitte?
Tokidoki tameiki
Itsu watashi wakare no kono sekai mo hitotsu sekai hakken
'
III.
Itsu kikan tsuku no
Ima sugu ni
Nani ga dekiru kana, fureru sono yo?
Itsu no hajimeru ga
Tatoe ga sekai wa owaru itsu mo kimi no zutto issho ni
'
IV.
Kono sekai basho de
Kanashimi ga aru
Koko ni kurai da na, do natte iru no?
Yokereba torikaete
Kono sekai kimi no uta no michiru to azayaki suru na

Semptember 19, 2005

I'm really tired, I want to do something, I'm bored today. Date is 081905, this sucks...How damning it is to feel my world falling apart. I hate this stupid life of mine.

.

i'm going to a place where my dreams will truly come true. Somewhere where my soul is free to feel joy and blis. Away from this pain. Where is it? I just can't wait to be there. I'm excited! Wanna go with me? Why don't you? It's all fun in there...Want to go with me? You'll be happy like we always wanted to be! Come with me, I'll show you everything we dreamed of seeing...It'll be wonderful! No wonder here, in this Goddamned land, we suffered, endured, waited for the time to come that we will be able to love ourselves. You wanted it too, didn't you? A life where we will be lie birds soaring above this brown land, looking down at every in of life. Let's leave this world, to somewhere, in paradise. We have waited so long to reach what we've always wanted to reach. How great, wonderful it would be to be standing at the edge of a cliff facing the lonely sun setting at the horizon, with the ocean so blue turning orange. The only proof to our existence...Let's go, shall we? Right now...Come...

______The Last Hope"......

God, Where am I? Am I in this world? Am I in Heaven? Am I in Hell? Or nowhere at all? I do not know. I do not have the answers maybe you have. Could I ever find my way home? ould I ever find the light to tear the Darkness? My happiness, my dreams...my path, here? Where are you? Who are you? Who am I? Do you know? I want to go, I want to escape, I want to run away from this cell. I'm so, so afraid. I want reality. I want to look at the world. But here, it is so dark. Help me. I think I'm crying. I can feel it, but I cannot see it, my tears. Look at me! Could you look at me? I'm ugly, right?! I'm dull! You all hate me, right?! Go on. Laugh! Laugh at me! I can take it...Darkness is beginning to swallow me. Fill my mind, my heart, my blood, my senses, my feelings, my heart, and my soul. With this..Darkess, this evil desire is in me. Forgive me if I have sinned. But this life I can't forgive...Is there any hope? None...Another hello? Only goodbye.
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(I made this back in second year high school)

the crazy tadpoles

I have a pond...not so big but not too small..hehehe...but im sure you'll all fit there, coz you guys are tadpoles in my life! so cute and tiny, but so wiggly and lively! hahahaha...you create foams in my pond, and I feel cushioned by your love, care, and support....thankz for being one of the crazy tadpoles in my pond of life!

I Am A Cursed Creature

***
I am a cursed creature.
***
Eternity, I will be alive.
***
But death is my middle name, a soul in chain.
***
I bleed an endless flux.
***
My tears dried up for years.
***
But I still weep of a promised love unending.
***
Luck does not hear me.
***
Life has abandoned me forever.
***
I could only pray I would be stoned soon.
***
Smiles have left me.
***
I embraced hurt so much now that it doesn't feel
like hurt anymore.
***
It only felt now like a habit, involuntarily arising.
***
I am a cursed creature.
***
A detained spirit.
***
A poor soul in fated agony.
***

A Leap Beyond Normal

Nobody ever told me what being normal would really mean. I don't have the precise idea of it's nature, and how would I know? I don't think I'll ever know.

Does it seem normal being normal everyday? Or maybe it would be just on the person's own reality, that one she made for herself. In the eye of the people beyond her reality, she doesn't look any bit normal. She, in their own point of view, is extreme or maybe just a leap beyond normal. But if it's something beyond the boundary of normality then, therefore it's already on the edge of abnormality! In simple words, she is not normal. So what's the point? Do I want to know how it is to know what being normal is? Or do I just really want to know if I pass the test for abnormality? When I say "she" I mean "me", and to base from what I just stated, I am extreme or just a leap beyond normal, so what's the point again? The point is that I want you to know that I am not normal, in every sense and in every point of view. People see me and considered me weird, and I, too, consider myself different, though I always aim to fit in, I just couldn't. Why could'nt I? What is it that's wrong with me? Why can't I fit in? I'm not saying I'd want to fit in the whole cliche, but just somehow be part of a group of individuals who wouldn't see me weird or a step distant from their own mental stability. I'm feeling that there's something bad in me, that pulling negative force that drowns me to suffocation, that bad air that pollutes anybody who dared open the container, that deadly toxin that poisons a curious individual who would want to spill the liquid, and what's the purpose?! To kill me and those people that I want to be with? So that's it then, the simple answer to my stupid and pointless query.

By any abnormal circumstances, I am not allowed to be normal with any normal person in this normal world! Because I am not normal, and I live inside my not-so-normal world, along with all the unnatural negative forces which pulls me down and down to the utmost realm of abnormality.

What else is there to ponder upon? Nothing more! Enough of senseless questions that surely leads to pointless answers that makes no sense at all..

i'm easy to get but difficult to own

when i say i like you, it's not a guarantee that we can already start a relationship together..

when i say you're attractive and interesting, it doesn't mean that i would want to make up with you..

I am an inevitable person, I am changeable and I believe that I am indecisive.

If you want me, tell me straightly. It won't help keeping your motive from me, sooner I will know it. And no matter how you hide it, I don't care. There's no assurance you will get it anyway.

I control my life and my fate. Whatever choice I make, it's because I want to. If you think I'm playing, bet a million, and you'll sure to lose. But I'm not saying that I'm not a player, I am and I am not too.

I have a definite time when I can finally enter a relationship, and I won't tell you, why bother anyway? You lack patience, then that's fine, i won't go after you..

You intent to wait, then good for you..I'll repay that sometime, but it's not also a guarantee I'll end up with you.

But all I can promise is that if you can give me what I want, you will have me, totally..

I'm easy to get but difficult to own..

and..

If you can't handle me at my worst, you don't deserve me at my best...